To,
Shri Ram Vilas Paswan
Minister for Communications
Government of India
Sanchar Bhawan
New Delhi

Pujya Mantriji,
Namaskar.
This letter is my modest effort at congratulating you on your bold step to provide free telephones to all employees of the Department of Telecommunications (DoT). In one stroke, you have proven the political maxim, "Talk is cheap".
But hope that you will not stop at just doling out this largesse, but do even more for the welfare of your employees. So many of them render such wonderful service to the public. You should honour them all in addition to the free phones.
I specially want you to nominate the owner of that bored voice that informs me that "This Number Does Not Exist" when I am dialling home before leaving office. Her only competitor is the other disembodied voice that "All Lines On This Route Are Busy" every time I have to make an emergency call.
I also want to bring to your notice the stellar work of those who change my telephone number every three months so that I have to call your computerised inquiry service to figure out what it is. Unfortunately, that service usually does not work so I have to try out various permutations before I know what my number is.
To mention enquiry and not point out the wonderful work of the manual operators would be unforgivable. Every time I have tried to get a number, I have been kept on hold for up to half-an-hour, tinny muzak ringing in my ear, only to be cut off without giving me the information I needed. I don't blame them for being grouchy, after all they are overworked. My rude interruption probably made some operator drop a stitch in the sweater she was knitting for her husband.
I must thank your department for enlivening my dull life. The cross connections that are a given whenever I try and make a call are so heartening. To listen to the complaints of a man about his bowel problems just before lunch, or to have described in detail the state of a sewer just before dinner, brighten up my life.
I should also call to attention the work of others in my exchange who have happily given me a phone number that belonged to another before. I regularly receive calls meant for the Arjun Grocery Store. I have promised to deliver a dozen fresh eggs and coffee to the frantic woman who rang me up at 5.30 this morning.
I have to mention also the activities of the neighbourhood linesman who is supposed to rectify the defects in the telephones of the area. I think he likes me and so he ensures that my telephone is mostly out of order so that my telephone bills are not high. I always give him his weekly baksheesh from the money I so save, though he claims it's for the work he's done.
But his valiant efforts have not borne fruit. For that I must also thank your staff for expanding my limited world. I rarely step out of this city, but your department has been me an international citizen. My monthly STD bills, for calls made to parties abroad, have been quite high. Piqued, I sought details of the bill and found that calls had been credited to my phone to Quebec, Melbourne, Oakland (thrice), Singapore and Cairo (twice). I must have placed these calls subconsciously or perhaps in my sleep. I refuse to believe what my neighbours say, that our lines are being leased out secretly to some businessman who can save on his telephone bills and pay a commission on that saving to the telephone staff.
I must also congratulate you on achieving the objective of providing telephones on demand. I applied for a second connection six years ago. It was cleared almost immediately, just last year. The instrument has been provided and is a snazzy red and brightens up my living room. I am not complaining but there is a minor point - the line has still not been activated. On the other hand, the instrument makes for a smart paperweight.
I wish you luck in your ventures. Politicians like you make the country what it is today.
Yours sincerely,
A Humble Subscriber

PS: I tried calling your office to personally convey my regards. The first six times, I got the wrong number. Then I contacted Assistance and they helpfully routed through an outstation call to Banswara. I tried to call your office again, but my phone suddenly went dead, so I am mailing this letter.


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