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Illustration: Max Martin |
INDO - PAK JOKES
JAAL brings you a collection of Indo-Pak jokes. Enjoy them and if you have any more, send them in to editor@jaalmag.com
There was once an Indian and a Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.
The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the
Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked him as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
An insect falls into a mug of beer...
Englishman: Throws his mug away and walks out
American: Takes the insect out and drinks the beer.
Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the beer away.
Indian: Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.
Pakistani: Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer. Relates the issue to Kashmir. Asks the
Chinese for Military aid, takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.
A gum-chewing Pakistani (Paki) and an Indian are sitting together in a restaurant. The Paki feels
really proud to be a Pakistani, so he starts a conversation. He asks the Indian, "When you eat bread, do
you eat all of it?"
"Ji Haan! of course!" responds the Indian.
"Well," says the Paki, "we only eat the soft part of it. The rest we collect in containers, take to a
factory and put through a mill. What comes out are little breads that we sell in India.''
"And what about Chicken?" he continues. "Do you eat all parts of them?"
"Ji Haan! We do," replies the Indian man.
"You don't say!" says the Paki, grinning. "We don't! We only eat the meaty part of the chicken. The
greasy part we collect in containers, take to a factory, put through a mill, and what comes out are little boneless pieces that we sell in India."
Now the Indian is really riled. So he asks, "And what do Pakis do with their used condoms?"
"Hey, we throw them away of course," says the Paki.
"Ha!" exclaims the Indian man. "We collect them in containers, take them to a factory and put them
through a mill. What comes out is chewing gum that we sell in Pakistan!"
So a Pakistani US citizen goes to the doctor because he just simply doesn't feel good. He's tired, his
stomach is upset, he has a headache. Just feels terrible.
The doctor checks him over and can't find any medical reason for him to feel the way he does. He offers a
Naturotherapy approach that he has seen work before. The Pakistani man is stunned, though, that the treatment means he has to go home, shit and piss into a plastic bag and leave it in his basement for a week. "Trust me," the doctor says, "I have seen this work."
The man goes home and follows through on the instructions. Within a day, though his house smells
terrible and by the end of the week, it is an overwhelming stench.
His eyes water every time he walks in the door, but he feels no better.
He calls to yell at the doctor who calmly says,"Go down and take three big deep breaths directly
From the bag and you will be cured."
"You're crazy!" comes the reply.
"Trust me," says the doctor.
Down he goes into the basement and he takes the first breath.
Gagging and choking, he does it again. Then, on the third breath, he feels the headache leave. His stomach
settles and he feels amazingly well. The stench is even tolerable. He calls the doctor to tell him the good
news. "I told you I've seen this work with people from Pakistan before," says the doctor. "You were just homesick!"
A Pakistani comes to Delhi for a visit. After some time he starts comparing Delhi to Lahore and marvels at the cleanliness and neatness of the city.
One day, while walking around the city, he suddenly feels intense pressure to take a leak. However, seeing how tidy it is around him, he is somewhat hesitant to go and relieve himself out in the open as he would back home.
Soon he spots a policeman and asks him where to help him out.
The policeman replies, ``See the building there. You can relieve yourself anywhere in the compound there.''
The Pakistani does his thing and returns to thank the policeman.
He asks the cop, ``Is that the public loo?''
``No,'' the policeman answers, ``that is the Pakistan High Commission.''
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Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee
WHAT HE SAID:Governments should not be measured by the number of years they remain in power but by achievements during their tenure.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:Our greatest achievement has been in managing to hang on for one whole year.
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Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh joint secretary K C Sudarshan
WHAT HE SAID:Sonia became the Congress president when Christianity was on the wane. With her emergence, Christianity has received a shot in the arm.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:And, the BJP formed the Government when idiocy was on the wane…..
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Trinamul Congress chief Mamata Banerjee
WHAT SHE SAID:If we can help instal a government, we also know how to topple it.
WHAT SHE DID NOT ADD: It's just running it that we have no idea about.
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Bahujan Samaj Party leader Mayawati
WHAT SHE SAID:We've been the losers in any alliance. We don't want to repeat the mistake.
WHAT SHE DID NOT ADD:We want to be losers all by ourselves.
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Human Resource Development Minister Murli Manohar Joshi
WHAT HE SAID:The Pokhran explosions have given us: a) national security; b) national prestige; c) national confidence; d) required information to scientists; e) self-confidence to scientists and the belief that they are second to none; f) and finally, it has made India a major global player.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:Oh! I forget, it has also given us: g) national debt; h) and self-delusion.
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Indian cricket captain Mohammed Azharuddin
WHAT HE SAID:I don't believe in these surveys. Polling and voting are meant for politics. You don't vote in cricket.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:Thank God! Otherwise, I would have lost my deposit.
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