New Delhi, August 22 (U’n’I): Congress’ Prime Minister-to-be Rahul Gandhi is planning to go on an overeating binge to protest against the threats posed by fasts to the India’s Parliamentary democracy. The scion of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty is expected to formally announce his programme of binge-eating at a forma Iftar dinner. “There are many reasons for this protest. Among them is that he is being seen as a featherweight in politics and wants to be considered a heavyweight. We will ensure his protest has a high calorific content,” a senior Congress politician said on condition of anonymity. Usually uninformed sources pointed out that his countrywide overeating programme could start at a village hut in Uttar Pradesh.

New Delhi, August 23 (Pity I): After rapidly losing weight as a result of his fast against corruption, a frailer Anna Hazare is expected to formally change his name of Anna Sauwale. According to unreliable sources within the Indian Against Corruption group, the name change is due to a variety of reasons. “First, it is in keeping with the spirit of Gandhian simplicity. Second, he has lost a lot of weight and since he has downsized himself, it is only right that his name reflect that.”

New Delhi, August 24, (Rotters): The Government has backed away from its decision to stop minting 25 paise coins after receiving protest notes from the pro- and anti-Anna Hazare factions of civil society. A strong letter sent by Aruna Roy, Arundhati Roy and Arun Utang, said: “Banning the char anna is like handing a moral victory to the IAC totalitarians and sends across the message that the Government is scared of annas and is getting rid of them.” A letter sent by IAC said, “ By taking the char anna out of circulation, the Government is trying to intimidate Anna Hazare.” A Government source was perplexed by the letters and said, “In these times of high inflation, the 25 paise coin is irrelevant. If you need loose change, use Rs 500 notes.”

New Delhi, August 25 (APE): The Board for Control of Cricket in India is trying to rope in Anna Hazare to protest the imperialistic tendencies shown by the English cricket team during India’s recent tour to that country. A spokesman for the Board said, on background, that the violent tactics employed by the English bowlers, who constantly threatened the Indian batsmen, and the English batsmen, who continuously walloped the Indian bowlers, were against the principles of Gandhianism. The spokesman also said that the BCCI expected Anna Hazare to be impressed by the level of Gandhian non-violence shown by the entire Indian team during the tour. The BCCI wants the veteran Gandhian to undertake a protest fast at Lord’s and in return, will allow him the fast through the inaugural game of the next season of the IPL.