The only thing the Indian Taxation department has not yet taxed is your Ding-Dong. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the time it is in a hole. On top of this it has two dependants and they are both nuts.
Therefore from April 2001 your Ding-Dong will be taxed according to its size. To determine your category, please insert this information on part II, Sec 7, line 4 of your standard tax form.
10" to 12" Luxury Tax Rs. 500. pa.
8" to 10" Pole Tax Rs. 450 pa.
6" to 8" Privilege Tax Rs. 400 pa.
4" to 6" Nuisance Tax Rs. 200 pa.
PS : Any one under 4" is eligible for a refund.
Any one exceeding 12" must file under "CAPITAL GAINS"
NOTICE:
Reg: Voluntary disclosure of Assets for all Female Tax Payers.
The Ministry of Finance has so far not covered under the purview of tax the GLOBAL ASSETS of women tax payers. Such assets invariably attracted male tax payers to hide their income "Projection into Female Vaults".
So far the Government has not ventured to unearth such assets because 60% of the time they are concealed, 20% of the time Hard Pressed, 15% of the time Squeezed and 5% of the time sucked. It also lets a lot of "CLEAVAGE" between the "Global Assets".
The Government therefore instead of enforcing a search on such assets has come out with a scheme to attract women for " Voluntary Disclosure" of their global assets.
37" to 38" Burden Tax Rs. 1,000 pa.
35" to 36" Entertainment Tax Rs. 800 pa.
33" to 34" Excitement Tax Rs. 600 pa.
31" to 32" Search Tax Rs. 400 pa.
PS : Sizes under 30" will be eligible for a "Development Rebate". whereas sizes above 39" will fall under "Wealth Tax".
Married women whose assets are shared by their spouses will be entitled to a concession of 20% on the above rates as "Wear and Tear allowance" All cases of violation of global assets disclosure rule will be handled "Firmly".