The MTB (Meri Tijori Bharo) GIMMIE Awards seek to reward excellency in the
one field that our country has consistently produced world champions -
Corruption. Jointly by CRY (Corruption and You) and the SPCA (Society for Promotion of Corruption and Anarchy), the awards separate the real achievers from the wannabes - only the most crooked and shameless win while the others are left ruing their niceness and honesty. And (drumroll please) the winners are:

Best New Talent (Male):
It was a foregone conclusion. Who else but Abdul Karim Telgi? He has
left his stamp on the nation's scam-filled history as the baap-dada of all
scamsters. His 30,000 crore stamp paper racket made scams worth just a few hundred crores look like pocket money.

Best New Talent (Female):
Sonia Gandhi. Coz whenever she opens her mouth to speak, she sounds
like a struggling newcomer.

Best Pop Act:
The one and only Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu, J. Jayalalithaa for making all
opposition leaders and journalists in her state dance to her POTA tunes and
using the anti-terror law to create more terror than terrorists have ever
created.

Best (De)Composer:
Abdul Karim Telgi again, for 'causing the decomposition of our po(lie)ce
force.

Best Remix:
Chandrababu Naidu for successfully remixing the image of Andhra Pradesh from
a state plagued by numerous farmer suicides in to a snazzy, jazzy place full
of hi-tech gadgetry and e-governance.

Best Video:
Jointly given to the Judeo and Jogi tapes for featuring the year's most
interesting scripts, screenplays and dialogues. While people don't watch Oscar
winning films even once, they watch these tapes 4-5 times day after day on the
news, with great interest. *Award kept in abeyance till the completion of the CBI inquiry to determine the video makers.

Best International Act:
Abu Salem and Monica Bedi for their "love-on-the-run" act. Acceptance Speech
beamed live via sattelite: "You must be thinking who is this? Well this is me
Abu. I have changed my appearance more often than Kamal Hasan. Of course, this
would not have been possible without my wife - Monicaaaaaaaa O my darling!
Thanks also to all you filmstars, builders and cops. If it wasn't for you, I
would be nowhere!"

Lifetime Achievement Award:
Veerappan, for spending a lifetime showing the Centre and police in two states how to play "hide and seek" and never get caught. As expected, he wasn't there to accept the award, and the trophy shall, as per his instructions, be given to the Karnataka Government. Why, you ask? So that he can get an excuse for
kidnapping one more politican/policeman and demand the trophy as ransom.