Jaalmag
 
 
 

Bush Talks Tough...

To The Taliban

In his latest televised speech to the United States, President George W Bush appeared to have entirely changed the direction of US foreign policy. Mr Bush said, "I strongly commend the Taliban. They have attracted worldwide commendation for this act of terrorism and we continue to commend them for harbouring Osama bin Laden and not handing him over to us."

Mr Bush was also perturbed over the other signs of uncivilized behaviour shown by the Taliban in the past. He said, "Just recently they destroyed two statues of Bubba. I do not know why they had his status there, but we will not tolerate any disrespect to a former US President even if it is Bill Clinton."

Questioned on the basis for the change in US policy, the White House spokesman said that it was a Presidential decision and a strategic one, though he refused to elaborate on the strategy behind it. Meanwhile the Taliban spokesman Wakil Muttawakil welcomed the support extended by President Bush and said that he "was surprised, though pleasantly at the American response". In an unrelated event, he also announced that Vice President Dick Cheney had been rushed to hospital after the President's address, apparently to undergo a fifth, or sixth, heart surgery.

For a strange and unexplained reason, Mr Bush is learnt to have cancelled every speaking engagement scheduled for the next one year. According to unconfirmed reports, however, President Bush is now attending a special school for the learning impaired with an emphasis on understanding the meaning of the word "condemn" and how it differs in meaning from the word "commend".

It is also unreliably learnt from White House sources that President has been undertaking geography lessons since he was uncertain as to the location of Afghanistan. According to the latest reports, he had been pointing somewhere in the direction of Qatar while being briefed by his Cabinet on action to be taken and on the e\verge of signing the executive order for movement of troops to the appropriate region. President Bush was also apparently horrified to learn that New Mexico was an integral part of the United State of America.

Pakistan's President Pervez Musharaff also welcomed Mr Bush's reported statement and said that he had always been convinced that the Taliban and Osama bin Laden were completely innocent in the attacks on New York and Washington. Mr Mushraff placed the earlier American perception on "propaganda by India" and asked his neighbouring country to "lay aaf" since the US had finally come to its senses.

AF Gnuman analyses international issues and non-issues
[ First published: September 15, 2001   Last updated: March 30, 2011 ]

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Faaltu Fatta

The Beggar

Two college students, Akshay and Sunil, are sititng in a taxi in Mumbai when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Akshay adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Sunil, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of notes and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues to other taxis. Akshay is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" yells Akshay. "You know he's only going to use it on cigarattes and alcohol."
Sunil replies, "And we weren't?"

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