The Bobby Trap

Why did Bobby Jindal lose Louisiana? Political pundits will give you lotsa gyan, but we at Jaalmag.com, will give you the real picture.

The problem really started with his choice of name. It was bad enough that he was born with the unfortunate initials, PJ. But that was forgivable after all, that would just be another joker in the pack. But then he goes and changes his name to Bobby. And we’re sure there were many voters who, on top of being screwed by politicos, didn’t want to send a BJ to Baton Rouge.

The question now is: What next for Piyush?

And, as always, we have our own (very unwelcome suggestions) to offer.

First, he can lease himself out to Honda as a somewhat more marginally so) livelier version of Asimo. After all, he has already perfected the art of appearing completely robotic, being marketed as one makes for small change.

Then, the next course of action would be to become the poster boy for the Christian fundamentalists. After all, he is already more Catholic-than-thou. All he needs to do is say his prayers and join a Bible-thumping mass orgy.

If those two options fail, Bobby Jindal can always think of posing for Benetton. Aren’t they always looking for adding colour to their campaigns? Of course, politicians change colour all the time, but Bobby is special, he’s brown but tries really really hard to appear White.
Bobby can also be the hired gun for the National Rifle Association. He has proclaimed his love for unrestricted access of arms throughout America. And, he has already proven his mettle by shooting himself in the foot by losing an election he seemed to have wrapped up.

If not that, there are even more options. He has a great future as a cardboard cutout or better still, a storefront mannequin. He’s proven that you can get politicians in America who are even more stilted than Al Gore, even though Ol’ Al tries hard to overcome that image by doing the whole Frenchie on Tipper on television. (Wonder if Tipper asked that station to label that telecast?)

Bobby has also positioned himself as a problem-solver. The problem he has to solve now is that of his political future. And he could go looking for it where the problems are at their maximum and, yes, we do mean, Iraq. Get sent to Iraq, young man, and become Governor-by-default and try and prove to those ingrate Arabs how cool democracy is, and how much cooler it is to have their cities bombed frequently.

Booby also has another peculiar trait that can stand him in good stead. That of having no qualms of appearing at umpteen Indian American gathering, shaking down the community for every last cent, adding up the dollars that made for almost a third of his total campaign haul. And then, he pretty much likes to tell everyone he’s not really Indian. Given that background, we think he will do quite well as the mascot for the next Pravasiya Bharatiya Diwas jamboree in New Delhi.

But the best prospect for him could be as the gunslinger wiping out them darn Muslims and Pakis. After all, these groups actually banded together against him calling him a “prejudiced person” and added to Kathleen Blanco’s kitty. And, hey, great potential there, become the spokesman for the Indian Government or even the Israelis.

See, you have such a great future, Bobby. Do anything, but don’t contest again after 4 years, be happy with the 48 per cent votes you got.

The Great Gnuman awakened from hibernation to find that he'd slept through winter, spring and summer, has planned a busy fall.
[ First published: December 1, 2003   Last updated: March 30, 2011 ]

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Faaltu Fatta

The Beggar

Two college students, Akshay and Sunil, are sititng in a taxi in Mumbai when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Akshay adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Sunil, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of notes and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues to other taxis. Akshay is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" yells Akshay. "You know he's only going to use it on cigarattes and alcohol."
Sunil replies, "And we weren't?"

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