The Disjointed Statement

Many of you may have read the momentous joint statement issued by Manmohan Singh and Pervez Musharraf after their equally momentous four-and-a-half hour meeting in New York. Actually, they came up with a lot more than was officially released. But since one of our contributors works as a janitor at the Palace hotel, where they met, we managed to get an early draft of the statement.

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf met in New York on September 14 and reviewed progress in their relations since they last met in New Delhi on April 18, 2005. Their had a long and satisfying meal…er…meeting, which lasted four-and-a-half hours. However, indigestion during the course of the fourth course caused President Mushrraf to be somewhat gruff while discussions continued.

The two leaders referred to their earlier statements of January 6, 2004 and April 18, 2005, and hoped that no one remembered what was stated in those statements since they were as dull and pointless as this one is, and reiterated their pledge not to allow terrorism, by the jihadists or Muktaran Mai, to impede the peace process. They reaffirmed their commitment to the decision taken at their meeting in New Delhi, which was to decide nothing and act upon nothing, and agreed to expedite their implementation as they have already proven in a masterly manner in implementing the previous resolution of doing nothing and acting upon nothing.

They also welcomed the progress made within the framework of the Composite Dialogue, which no one had any idea about since they were all into their fourth glass of wine, including promotion of trade and economic relations, between the two countries and any other country and for between India and Pakistan; people to people contacts, ditto; and confidence building measures, that neither India nor Pakistan will do anything to resolve the Kashmir issue. They also welcomed the recent release of prisoners on both sides and agreed to continue this process on a humanitarian basis simply because jails in both countries are getting too damned crowded.

They expressed their commitment to ensure a peaceful settlement of all pending issues, including holding cricket matches without much bloodshed, including Jammu and Kashmir to the satisfaction of both sides. However, they remain confused as to what they mean by sides? Or should they take both take both sides since they are all two-faced? Or should they be on-side or off-side? They agreed that possible options for a peacefully negotiated settlement should continue to be pursued in a sincere spirit and a purposeful manner, with the ultimate purpose being to bring a resolution to the issue by the time the Sun goes supernova, which appears an attainable objective.

[ First published: September 1, 2005   Last updated: March 30, 2011 ]

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Faaltu Fatta

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"Laloo, third from left!"

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