Jaal's 8th Anniversary Special:

With Guest Oddities

Yikes, we forgot the 8th anniversary of Jaalmag.com. Actually, that’s not very strange since we tend to forget anniversaries. For example, the 5th anniversary of the due date for the last electricity bill we paid. Which is why we work by the light of dim lanterns. That, certainly, could be a future Booker Prize winning novel – Dimwits by the Dim-Lit Lantern. And, that’s besides the point.

But, being pointless as we strive to be, we decided that we present the 8th anniversary issue even though it’s way past December 15. Again, that’s not strange because we tend to be late over everything. Like our water bills that are now three years overdue. Because of that slight delay, our writers have to subsist entirely on Vodka Martinis. The problem there is that we cannot tell whether what they write is a product of drunkenness or simple idiocy.

Again, very very besides the point.

The point is…

In recent months there has been growing criticism of a certain publication as being a purveyor of mindless junk. Critics say this publication absolutely sucks. We at Jaalmag.com take umbrage at this, even though this particular reference is not to Jaalmag.com. When it comes to sucking, Jaalmag.com is the undisputed champion. Especially since it is almost exclusively read by suckers.

And as Jaalmag.com turns eight, yes, eight whole years of puerility, we have stepped up our effort to take on the competition. The Times Of India may suck, but we suck, majorly.

Of course, one area in which we have lagged behind TOI is that not having a Guest Editor. We are taking it on with this special, edited by luminaries around the world. Basically, we asked them to give us their opinion on the India-US nuclear deal and here’s what we go:

1. Manmohan Singh: I cannot comment on this issue till my comments have been cleared at 10 Jan Path. They are pending with Madam Sonia Gandhi as she has sent them to Italy to have them translated into Italian and only after that will she be able to decide whether they’re worth publishing.

2. Greg Chappell: Apart from a brief interview on ESPN before which I emphasized that I did not wish to discuss the issue because it was a selection matter I have resisted all other media approaches on the matter.
Since then various reports have surfaced that I had threatened to resign. I do not know where that rumour has come from because I have spoken to no one in regard to this because I have no intention of resigning. I assume that some sections of the media, being starved of information, have made up their own stories.
Oops…sorry, wrong email.

3. George W Bush: Ever since I was informed by Condi of the nucular dill, I’ve stopped having dills with my burgers. Instead I stick to pretzels. Excuse me, I choked.

4. Pervez Musharraf: First of all, I must congratulate Jaalmag.com on its fourth anniversary issue. Even though Jaalmag.com claims it is its eight anniversary, the ISI has informed me that this is disinformation spread by RAW in an effort to deprive the oppressed people of Kashmir of their independence. As for nuclear deal, if the Americans don’t agree to make a similar deal with us, we’ll ask our foremost nuclear deal-maker AQ Khan aka The Nuclear Whore to make them for us.

Thank you for reading.

[ First published: December 15, 2006   Last updated: March 30, 2011 ]

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Faaltu Fatta

The Beggar

Two college students, Akshay and Sunil, are sititng in a taxi in Mumbai when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Akshay adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Sunil, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of notes and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues to other taxis. Akshay is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" yells Akshay. "You know he's only going to use it on cigarattes and alcohol."
Sunil replies, "And we weren't?"

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