Somehow America appears to be realizing that Pakistan may actually be harbouring terrorists. We wonder what gave them away? Was it that all the Al Qaeda videos were filmed in scenic locations in Lahore, Karachi and Islamabad? Whatever it may have been, US Vice-President Dick Cheney handed out a stern warning to Pakistan. But that raises an important question, if the General is a major problem, who will succeed Musharraf? Here are Jaalmag.com’s choices for the post:

Nwz Shrf: Frmr Prm Mnstr Nwz Shrf hs lrdy ld Pkstn n th pst nd thr’s n rsn h cnnt d s gn, dspt th fct h hs lvd hs ntr lf wtht prnncng vwl. Bt hs lck of a vowel movement should not be held against him and he should be given another chance. He could improve Pakistan’s economic situation by selling the country to the Saudis.

Mullah Omar: The leader of the Taliban already rules a large part of Pakistan, especially Waziristan. Therefore, he will be a popular successor to General Musharraf since he actually does manage to control territory! And he has the added experience of having ruled another country in the past. Plus, he’ll have plenty of fun abusing Hamid Karzai. Finally, that’ll make that old adage to very apt: “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will rule.”

Inzamam-ul-Huq: The Incredible Bulk has all the ability of a leader of Pakistan, which is barely any. But that shouldn’t disqualify him either. After all, he has proven that he can deliver on the cricket field, as in ensure that the entire effort is a mess, not too different from the situation as it exists.

Abdul Qadir Khan: Our favourite nuclear whore is already worshipped in Pakistan and will easily prove to be popular leader. He can then proceed to export all of Pakistan’s nuclear technology to rogue nations or groups or whatever little of it that he hasn’t already peddled.

Benazir Bhutto: Another former Prime Minister who is attempting to make a comeback. What stands between her and the leadership is the arrest warrant as soon as she lays her Manolo Blahniked feet on Pakistani soil. However, the other problem could be that she’s a woman and given the current political climate in Pakistan that could eliminate her from the running, literally and figuratively. Therefore, a sex change operation could work for her especially since no one would really notice, not even her husband, Asif Zardari.

George W Bush: He’ll be available in January 2009 when he becomes a free agent. He’ll be out of a job and once and President, always a President. And a fundamentalist warmonger appears to be the sort of qualification you require to lead Pakistan.