India has just turned 60. As you know, during these six decades, India has much to be proud of such as…well, never mind. But we do have a list right here of how the number 60 holds significance in modern India.
…is the total IQ of the Union Cabinet.
…is the number of times an average politician will invoke the name of Mahatma Gandhi while denying allegations of a crime.
…is the number of times an average politician will deny allegations of a crime before he or she is convicted.
…is the number of live brain cells remaining in Arjun Singh’s head, as well as the percentage of those cell devoted to obsessing over reservations.
…is the average number of promises made by a politician while campaigning during an election.
…is the average number of promises made by a politician while campaigning during an election that are not kept after he or she is elected.
…is the number of seconds in a minute and minutes in an hour and a gentle reminder from us that the time you’ve spent reading this article could have been better used surfing porn or texting your friends.
…is the total number of runs scored by Sachin Tendulkar in crunch situations when a big knock would have helped India win.
…is the total number of advertisements Sachin Tendulkar appears in during a 60 day period.
…is the number of minutes in a day that municipal water supply is available in any major Indian city.
…is the number of hours in a fortnight that there are power outages in any major Indian city.
…is the total number of original hair follicles remaining on Salman Khan’s head. 12 …is the total number of seconds that Shah Rukh Khan has actually acted rather than acted during his entire career in Bollywood.
…is the number of acres of forest that were cleared for newsprint that was given over to covering the Aishwarya Rai-Abhishek Bahchan wedding.
…is the total number of seconds of original plot during the course of a 30-minute television soap.
…is the total of Bollywood films based on original scripts and ideas, ever!
…is the remaining number of members of Communist parties in India who actually understand Marxism.
…is the total of corporate tax-payers who declare their entire income.
…is the number of hours spent annually gnashing teeth, tearing out hair, getting ulcers while India manages to lose yet another cricket match to a country like Bangladesh.
…is the number of people who still follow other sports such as hockey.
…is the average number of words Rahul Dravid speaks after a match though such statements could be summed in more aptly as, “We lost because we suck.”
…is the number of Sikhs who are not offended by sardar jokes, usually because they don’t understand them.
…is the number of minutes in a week that the average Bengali or Malayalee actually spends working in West Bengal or Kerala.
…is the number of minutes in a day that the average Jat spends scratching his privates.
…is the number of seconds in a year the average Gujarati spends not thinking about making more money.
…is the number of words the average Tamilian speaks in 0.32 seconds.
…is the average number of hours a Mumbaiwala spends under water every monsoon seaons.
…is the total number of meters of non-potholed road length available to drive on in Bangalore.
…is the number of authors, poets, painters, other creative types who are attacked, hounded, vilified, etc., for having offended someone.
…is the number of fatwas issued against Salman Rushdie in the last 24 hours.
…is the number of ironed knickers on display during a RSS shakha.
…is the average number of cows per mile of road in New Delhi.
…is the average number of tonnes of cowdung per mile of road in New Delhi.
…is the average number of curses uttered by pedestrians every hour after stepping on cowdung and other varieties of excreta on the road in New Delhi.
…is the average number of Shiv Sainiks who collect to attack the office of a newspaper of magazine that has called Bal Thackeray as fascist.
…is the average number of times Bal Thackeray is called a fascist by newspapers and magazines each day.
…is the average number of minority appeasement programmes launched by various governments in India each day.
…is the total number of actual Gandhians left in the country.
…is the minimum age of the average Gandhian left in the country.
…is the average number of times Indian Communists criticize American “hegemony” each day.
…is the number of children of the topmost Communists in the country who again admission in American universities each year.
…is the number of Communists who desperately seek to immigrate to America every week.
…is close to the percentage of Indians who actually like American President George W Bush.
…is the number of Americans who actually like George W Bush.
…is the number of times any Congress politician invokes Sonia Gandhi’s name during a three-minute speech.
…is the number of times any BJP politician vilifies Sonia Gandhi during a three-minute speech.
…is the number of cows that travel with Laloo Yadav on his rail journeys.
…is the number of kilos J Jayalalitha gain every year.
…is the number of times India’s Finance Minister extols Nehruvian socialism before doing exactly as the World Bank dictates.
…is the number of people remaining in India who still believe in Nehruvian socialism.
…is the number of saas-bahu serials on TV that begin with the letter K.
…is the number episodes of saas-bahu serials on TV that begin with the letter K before an actor or actress jumps ship to try for a career in Bollywood.
…is the number of attempts to get roles in Bollywood by an actor or actress from a saas-bahu serial before they get desperate to return to the small screen.
…is the number of commercials that are far more interesting than saas-bahu serials.
…is the number of restaurants opened by former and present Indian cricketers.
…is the number of days a restaurant opened by a former or present Indian cricketers remains open before patrons figure out the food served there is as awful as the cricketing ability of its owner.
…is the number of platitudes spouted from Red Fort every August 15.
…is the number of people who actually listen to the entire August 15 speech.
…is the number of people still awake after the August 15 speech is over.
…is the number of years till the 120th anniversary of India’s Independence.
Two college students, Akshay and Sunil, are sititng in a taxi in Mumbai when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Akshay adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Sunil, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of notes and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues to other taxis. Akshay is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" yells Akshay. "You know he's only going to use it on cigarattes and alcohol."
Sunil replies, "And we weren't?"