1998 To 2008: From Verse To Worse

From 1998 to 2008,
People, events, places, from A to Z,
We got it into our heads,
(And we were off our meds),
That our resident poets could serve up verse,
To reflect 10 years in lines funny and terse,
This brief history of India is our goal,
But when real poets see it, they’ll blush,
Since it’s putrid, they will want to flush
It down the toilet bowl.

A is for Advani, Lal Krishna

The BJP’s PM-in-waiting,
Is all but salivating,
About the 2009 elections,
Of which he has great expectations,
But will it go the way of India Shining?

B is for Back Office

Outsourcing, offshoring, call it what you want,
For the likes of Wipro, Infosys, it’s been a jaunt,
With cheap labour, cheaper code,
Or getting into call center mode,
IT superpower we can flaunt.

C is for Cricket

The five-day games have fallen flat,
Twenty-20 is where it’s at,
Test matches are such bores,
Since the IPL still makes crores,
In the tussle between bookies and bat.

D is for Delhi, New:

India’s capital city,
Has plenty of politicians, no electricity,
Is the hub of corruption,
The core of pollution,
But still lacks water and sanity.

E is for the Economy

The Sensex is the subject of lust,
More reforms for sure, a must,
That was the public mood,
Making money was so good,
Until the boom became a bust.

F is for Films

Bollywood is all a-glitter,
The Khans are all a-twitter,
In an industry of bimbos and himbos,
Starring in films by dumbos,
While Big B is now only bitter.

G is for Gandhi, Sonia:

Rules India by her fancy,
Or through Manmohan, her pansy,
Ex-Italian, the next leader Rahul’s mom,
Gives the Congress its platform,
Abject sycophancy.

H is for History

It repeats, all the time,
So it’s really a crime,
For our leaders to forget the last attack,
Until the next one and they get flak,
Until…they go back to wallowing in their slime.

I is for the ISI

The foreign hand that India fears,
In Mumbai, Delhi, it frequently appears,
And the world wonders why,
The Pakis say, “Aye, Yes, Aye,”
As its own destruction nears.

J is for Jihad

Killing in the name of God,
May, to you, sound somewhat odd,
But the Paki terror camps remain awash,
With jihadis funded by Saudi cash,
Ready to attack Mumbai, London, New York, Madrid, Bali, Tel Aviv, when the ISI gives them the nod.

K is for Kashmir, Kargil and Kandahar

A plane was hijacked to Kandahar,
Pakistan and India had an undeclared war,
And the benighted Vale,
Is still going to Hell,
As the jihadis just keep wanting more.

L is for the Left and the Liberal

There are no terrorists, they say,
No Islamic fundamentalism, they bray,
Getting attacked is our own fault,
Over caviar and a single malt,
Just get rid of Modi, they pray.

M is for Manmohan Singh

Like Gandhi’s three monkeys,
Sonia Gandhi’s prime flunkey,
The PM can’t see, hear or speak of terror,
Because, to him, it’s all an error,
He repeats, like an oblivious junkie.

N is for the Nuclear Deal

CTBT? Non! NPT? Nyet,
Nuclear power plants? You bet,
Oh, isn’t it such a lift,
To get this wonderful American gift,
From Dubya to his favourite pet?

O is for Obama, Barack

The man of change and hope,
Now with power he begins to grope,
Wants to free Pakistan of tension,
Which begs the question,
Is he really a dope?

P is for Pakistan

Terrorism is its main export,
Killing civilians its national sport,
The Land of the Pure,
Now just smells like manure.
From Waziristan to Karachi port.

Q is for Questions

Like, why are things still the same?
Why the political response to terrorism always lame?
Why do we still elect these netas?
Or their bahus and betas?
Isn’t that a real shame?

R is for Reservations

OBCs, Dalits, Muslims, etcetera,
Give them all a huge quota,
Who cares about any merit of note,
All that matters is the almighty vote,
India main, bhai, aisa hi hota.

S is for Soaps and Soapboxes

From saas-bahu and son-mother,
To the coming of Big Brother,
To a zillion news anchors baring their fangs,
At the viewers, in ravenous gangs,
Watch TV? Or should you bother?

T is for Tendulkar, Sachin

Hailed as the Master Blaster,
His form can be sublime,
But when the match is on the line,
That’s when you get disaster
For no one can get out faster.

U is for Uttar Pradesh:

Never has a Gormint,
Since it’s ruled by varmints,
Criminals don’t stay in jail,
Because many, without fail,
Are busy attending Cabinet meetings.

V is for Vajpayee, Atal Behari:

Was touted as able and stable
`The Man India Awaits’ was his label.
But after he was Premier,
The facts made it clear,
All that has proved a fable.

W is for Dubya, The Bush:

“Accomplished”, he said, of the Mission,
All America got was a recession,
While Iraq became a breeding ground,
For terrorists all around,
At least India got some nuclear fission.

X is for XXX

As Bollywood goes all softcore,
With scenes to startle a jaded whore,
It’s a whole new morn,
For Indian porn,
As MMS makes it soar.

Y is for Yadav, Lalu Prasad

From Bihar to ruling the trains,
Forget fodder or going to jail,
The former Laloo can now scream,
Of the new Indian dream,
“Make it big without morals or brains”.

Z is for Zardari, Asif Ali

Benazir was blown up,
Her son hadn’t grown up,
So after kicking out Musharraf,
Got a default choice that was tough,
Mr 10 Per Cent had shown up.

[ First published: December 15, 2008   Last updated: March 30, 2011 ]

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Faaltu Fatta

The Beggar

Two college students, Akshay and Sunil, are sititng in a taxi in Mumbai when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Akshay adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Sunil, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of notes and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues to other taxis. Akshay is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" yells Akshay. "You know he's only going to use it on cigarattes and alcohol."
Sunil replies, "And we weren't?"

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