Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has already appointed 78 Ministers. The average Indian barely knows anything about them (or wants to). However, as part of our public duty (and sheer snarkiness), we at Jaal have decided to give you the briefest of bios to get to know them for better or more possibly, worse:
Pranab Mukherjee: His initials may be PM, but he'll never be one.
Sharad Pawar: Microsoft Word's spellcheck renames him Shared Power. Perfect.
AK Antony: An honest Defence Minister? Supposedly so. So is AKA an oxymoron?
P Chidambaram: Often forgets he's the Home Minister now thereby upsetting Pranab Mukherjee, who often forgets he's the Finance Minister now.
Mamata Banerjee: Possibly the shrillest Indian politician, a major achievement.
SM Krishna: Former Chief Minister of Karnataka. Is giving him External Affairs an inside joke?
Ghulam Nabi Azad: Former Jammu and Kashmir CM, forever Gandhi family flunkey.
Sushil Kumar Shinde: Once wanted to be Vice-President. Backward in many ways.
M Veerappa Moily: From a Wikipedia entry probably submitted by him: "is a prominent literary figures in Karnataka." From a Wikipedia entry certainly not submitted by him: "Makes public statements that reveal a profoundly limited acquaintance with the historical practices of successful industrialised economies."
S Jaipal Reddy: Has been in a dozen parties and has been a Spokesman for all of them. That's saying a lot.
Kamal Nath: Sanjay Gandhi acolyte. Keeps well-furnished bedrooms attached to his Ministerial offices.
Vayalar Ravi: Has daughters called Kunchie and Chuckky. Fortunately, his wife is Mercy.
Meira Kumar: Former Foreign Service Office and daughter of late Jagjivan Ram. Is both a rifle shooter and a poet, which makes her doubly dangerous.
Murli Deora: Is considered pro-American by some. Is considered pro-Murli Deora by all.
Kapil Sibal: Has been to Antarctica as well as the Arctic. Unfortunately, he is also often in India.
Ambika Soni: Another Sanjay Gandhi acolyte. Has a diploma from the University of Havana. Why?
BK Handique: Is the only Cabinet Minister from the North-East. Like most MPs from the region, no one has heard of him.
Anand Sharma: Has the worst teeth in the Cabinet. Fortunately, with his bushy beard, you can rarely see his mouth.
CP Joshi: Was a Professor in Psychology specializing in IQ. Obviously, that didn't work out so he's now a Minister.
Virbhadra Singh: Is a member of Friends of Soviet Union Society (Himachal State Branch). Obviously, current affairs is not his strong subject.
Farooq Abdullah: Was a partner with the BJP-led NDA. At least he plays golf.
Vilasrao Deshmukh: Was Maharashtra CM during 26/11. Not his only failure, he is also the father of awful Bollywood actor Ritesh.
Dayanidhi Maran: His HAM Radio Callsign is VU2DMK. Proves that even being a grandnephew of a regional satrap can get you a Cabinet berth.
A Raja: Is not related to CPI leader D Raja.
Mallikarjun Kharge: The son of a labourer, gets the Labour Ministry.
Kumari Selja: Her blog post: "I expect full cooperation and support from your side to keep this development movement always on as the medium you use 'Internet'." And she was once Union Minister of State for Education?
Subodh Kant Sahay: According to the official Who's Who he’s a former "Union Minsiter of State". This is obviously a promotion for this Ranchi University grad.
MS Gill: Once trained with Tenzing Norgay. Former Chief Election Commissioner who didn't have to get elected to become a Minister – he's in the Rajya Sabha.
GK Vasan: Son of GK Moopanar. His website describes him as an "Indian political politician".
Pawan Kumar Bansal: Is the MP from Chandigarh. More importantly, he has been on the Philately Advisory Committee.
Mukul Wasnik: Has a law college named after himself. Obviously a modest man.
Kantilal Bhuria: Is an MP from MP.
MK Azhagiri: The eldest son of Tamil Nadu CM K Karunanidhi. Writes lousy lyrics.
Ministers of State (Independent Charge):
Praful Patel: Had the Civil Aviation portfolio. The next time your flight is six hours late, you know whom to thank.
Prithviraj Chauhan: No, not that one. This one usually goes by Chavan.
Sriprakash Jaiswal: In his own words: "I am grateful to all of you for your sterneous efforts because of which I have got another opportunity to raise your voice in the Lok Sabha. In this historical elections of the Kanpur Parliamentary Constituency you crossed all barriers."
Salman Khursheed: Is the grandson of late President Zakir Hussain. Went to Oxford; now has to clean up the Satyam mess.
Dinsha Patel: Projected as a future CM of Gujarat, he contested the 2007 Assembly elections against State CM Narendra Modi and lost by 86,000 votes.
Krishna Tirath: MP from Delhi who was once a tax assistant.
Jairam Ramesh: Headed the Congress War Room. Probably too smart to be a Minister.
Ministers Of State:
Srikant Jena: Started his career on an anti-Congress platform. Should have been rightly rewarded with the Fertilizers portfolio.
E Ahamed: According to his official profile, he was involved in the "Singing of Sudan Peace Agreement at Nairobi, in January, 2005."
Mullappally Ramachandran: According to his own website, he was once Chief Sub-Editor, Viplavam - a Daily in Malyalam, Calicut. Ummm...no wonder that job didn't work out.
V Narayanasamy: Is from Pondicherry. The French touch.
Jyotiraditya Scindia: Son of late Madhavrao Scindia. Already anointed the Prime Minister of The Hindustan Times.
D Purandeswari: That D stands for Daggubati. That may not be embarrassing but praise from Arjun Singh should certainly be.
KH Muniyappa: According to the Achievements page on his own website he "is generally believed to be a hardliner politician largely liable for polarizing India on communal lines. Leaving behind trails of blood and communal passions, his famous Congress Party." For real, that's exactly what it says.
Ajay Maken: Credited with introducing Compressed Natural Gas-run vehicles in New Delhi. Since Delhi is India's political capital, that can be considered a renewable resource.
Panabaka Lakshmi: Was once famously Secretary of the South-Central Railway Women's Welfare Organisation, Secunderabad Division.
Namo Narain Meena: A former cop.
MM Pallam Raju: Was once famously Member of the Lok Sabha Committee on Papers Laid on the Table.
Saugata Ray: Seems like a man in a hurry since he started swearing himself in before the President could begin to do so.
SS Palanimanickam: DMK flunkey.
Jitin Prasad: Son of late Jitendra Prasad. Rahul Gandhi acolyte.
A Sai Prathap: Was once famously Member of the Lok Sabha Committee on Government Assurances.
Gurudas Kamat: From his website: "He was also selected to represent his College in Cricket but opted to represent the college and concentrate on Badminton." Which says a lot about his foresight.
Harish Rawat: Was born before India became independent and is still only a Minister of State...?
KV Thomas: Was once famously President of All Kerala Ration Dealers Association.
Bharatsinh Solanki: Was at the center of a sex video scandal. Otherwise, blah.
Mahadev Khandela: Is truly blah.
Dinesh Trivedi: Is on Facebook. Was Friended by Mamata Banerjee.
Sisir Adhikari: Isn't on Facebook but was also friended by Mamata Banerjee.
Sultan Ahmed: See above.
Mukul Roy: See above.
Mohan Jatua: See above.
D Napoleon: An actor in a Tamil serial, now a DMK MP. He says, "I am committed to do a couple of films. After finishing them, I will not act until my term ends." And he thinks he has a future in politics?
S Jagathrakshakan: Part of the DMK quota.
S Gandhiselvan: See above.
Preneet Kaur: Wife of former Punjab CM Amarinder Singh. Part of the Maharani quota.
Tusharbhai Chaudhary: Part of the ant-Modi quota.
Sachin Pilot: Son of late Congress leader Rajesh Pilot. Has a private pilots' license.
Arun Yadav: The token Yadav. According to his official profile he runs an "Enginerring School".
Prateek Prakashbapu Patil: According to his official profile: "By any means want more friends to attach with him if it is club then also the same".
RPN Singh: From the UP quota.
Shashi Tharoor: From the Lost-To-Ban-Ki-Moon quota. Tried to become Secretary General of the United Nations and ends up a measly Minister of State. Still, he has his hair to love.
Vincent Pala: MP from Meghalaya. Bah. Hey, no offence; in Khasi that means elder brother.
Pradeep Jain: According to his website "since begning he is a man who want to live a fearless life".
Agatha Sangma: Daughter of former Lok Sabha Speaker PA Sangma and the youngest Minister. Also the youngest MP. Maybe she still has ideals.
Two college students, Akshay and Sunil, are sititng in a taxi in Mumbai when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Akshay adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Sunil, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of notes and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues to other taxis. Akshay is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" yells Akshay. "You know he's only going to use it on cigarattes and alcohol."
Sunil replies, "And we weren't?"