Revealed: The Missing Radia Tape


Niira Radia: Hello?

Jaalmag.com Editor: Hello Niira…?

NR: Who is this?

JE: The Editor of Jaalmag.com.

NR: What? Do you think I have time for this rubbish? You know, I have Barkha, Raja, Vir, Ratan, Ranjan, Mukesh, the ghost of Sukh Ram, Rakhi Sawant and Pappu the doodhwala on hold. Why are you wasting my time?

JE: No, no, we’re working on our Person of the Year and our readers, all four of them, voted for you.

NR: You know what you can do with your four readers…(some parts are inaudible).

JE: Not sure that’s physically possible. But, please, all we want to know is the secret of your success.

NR: Hands free phones, so I can have my fingers in every pie.

JE: Niira Ji

NR: Not just Ji, 2G. Hang on, what’s that strange clicking sound. Is this call being tapped?

CBI Officer: No, no, of course not. We have no interest in your calls. It’s probably just the spectrum of your connections.

NR: Good. I don’t want my reputation to be hurt for posterity with people thinking I spend time talking to people like you.

JE: Quick question. How do you manage to have such extensive contacts in the media?

NR: Because I let them think they’re stringing me along as they make errors of judgment. (Laughs). Arre bhai, the important reason why they need me is because the buck stops here. And more importantly, it also circulates from here. So, I give them the counterpoint. And give them points to counter what my clients’ critics say. It’s all very simple. As simple as the minds of our respected hacks.

JE: Oh ok. Are you happy that all this RadiaGate about journalists stuff is being blacked out by TV channels?

NR: Of course. That’s my colour, no? Blackberry, black money, black out? My darling TV pals understand so well. Anyway, they have so many other important things to cover. Like the IPL, Elizabeth Hurley and Shane Warne. Even the papers no? So little space, so much to cover. Corruption in the Congress not really news, na?

JE: You must be so happy that you can influence the formation of Cabinets…

NR: No, no, I’m very modest. What is a little seat here and there?

JE: But aren’t you disturbed by the loss of nearly $ 40 billion to the Government?

NR: Kyoon? Such a minor matter really. You should see my monthly telephone bill. I do my bit for the economy. But I really need to go, Barkha says the Prime Minister may reshuffle the Cabinet.

[ First published: December 15, 2010   Last updated: March 30, 2011 ]

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Faaltu Fatta

The Beggar

Two college students, Akshay and Sunil, are sititng in a taxi in Mumbai when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Akshay adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Sunil, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of notes and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues to other taxis. Akshay is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" yells Akshay. "You know he's only going to use it on cigarattes and alcohol."
Sunil replies, "And we weren't?"

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