You are here: Revealed: Exclusive Excerpts From OBL’s Journal
As you know, recently expired Al Qaeda chief Osama bin Laden kept a diary. And the American Government hasit. Our techies managed to intercept a copy while it was being uploaded on to the Wikileaks server. Here are some recent excerpts from that explosive document:
December 1:
Dear Diary: The ISI doesn’t know where I am. They told me that when they came over for their weekly visit.
December 15:
Dear Diary: Got my consignment of herbal viagra! Strangely enough, the three wives say they all have headaches.
January 5:
Dear Diary: My friend, the ISI chief Pasha visited. He said AQ will drop in this week. I don’t want those smelly Al Qaeda cavemen around in my nice compound. He said he meant AQ Khan. I told him that I misunderstood because I have a headache. Maybe they are catching?
January 9:
Dear Diary: AQ Khan visited. He brought over a little device and showed me how it works. Now, for some reason, the herbal viagra doesn’t seem to be working.
January 22:
Dear Diary: Watched myself on TV again. The wives say I look like a camel. I’d rather be a camel, at least they get their humps. The herbal viagra is going to waste.
February 21:
Dear Diary: My Internet connection’s been cut. Apparently, I’d exceeded my bandwidth limit because I downloaded too many episodes of Jihadi Girls Are Da Bomb. What do you expect when you have a consignment of herbal viagra and your wives have headaches all the time?
March 12:
Dear Diary: Rehearsal for my latest speech. Brushed my beard for Al Jazz. Flubbed my lines when it came to condemning the West for imposing Justin Beiber on the world.
March 20:
Dear Diary: My kidneys hurt again. Probably drank too much last night. I was so depressed that Al Jazz preempted my speech and started the new show Tahrir Square Live.
April 15:
Dear Diary: There’s apparently an Arab Spring. Haha, wait till the world finds out exactly what’s sprung.
April 20:
Dear Diary: More rehearsals, more shoots. Showbiz is draining. I really empathise with Lady Gaga.
April 27:
Dear Diary: The Americans say they’ll get me. Get me what? My pal, North Korea’s Li’l Kim says I should ask for Angelina Jolie.
May 1:
Dear Diary: Tonight’s gonna be a good night. My personal courier’s going to deliver a surefire headache remedy for my wives and a new batch of herbal viagra. Someone’s going to be surprised!
[ First published: May 12, 2011
Last updated: May 12, 2011
]
Bihari on the train
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