With the results for crucial State elections in West Bengal, Tamil Nadu, Assam, Kerala and Pondicherry expected this week, we at Jaalmag.com have commissioned our own exit poll to provide our loyal readership with a clinical view of what to expect.

The poll was conducted by the Psephological Institute and Sociological Society OF Faridabad, and overseen by renowned pollster Z Raja. Here are the findings*:

According to Mr Raja, the chances of formation of new governments in each of the states is extremely high. “We are confident, and our research backs us, that new governments will be formed in these states. There is a near 90 per cent probability of that happening. Another 15 per cent is reserved. There is a five per cent chance of State Assemblies coming out of the election in a state of animated suspension, or perhaps, suspended particulate matter…err…the actual technical term escapes me right now.”

The findings of the survey also shine a light upon the issues that are most on the minds of the electorates of these states. In West Bengal, for instance, the PISSEDOFF poll showed that there was a high level of enthusiasm among the youth. Long queues were reported at polling centers across the State. Mr Raja commented, “We found that roughly 23 per cent of those lined up thought they were buying tickets for Kolkata Knight Riders matches featuring Saurav Ganguly. When told Ganguly no longer played for the team and they were in the wrong line, the vast majority were unanimous that they would not vote for Shah Rukh Khan.”

Meanwhile, in Kerala, there appeared to be significant interest in sections of the electorate that thought that Shashi Tharoor would become the next Chief Minister of the State or at least reveal which brand of hair oil he uses. “That is an important issue,” Mr Raja said, “almost as important as the brand of hair oil used by Shreesanth.”

In neighbouring Tamil Nadu, Mr Raja predicts a dogfight to rule the State. Asked whether the 2G scam had emerged as a difference-maker, Mr Raja said that PISSEDOFF’s data showed that voters were far more concerned with the goodies being doled out by the main parties and some, almost 48 per cent, were skeptical about the promises made by one party that they would get their own personal State Government.

Moving to the North-East, in Assam, the scenario remains equally difficult to foretell. “The data is being crunched and our crack bunch of psephologists believe there is a 74 per cent chance they will have their predictions ready by May 14,” Mr Raja proudly said.

As for Pondicherry, he said, “Damn, we knew we’d forgotten something.”

* The results of the poll have a statistical margin of error of 14 per cent while the statistical margin of error has a margin of error of 57 per cent.