A is for Advertisements: The primary occupation and preoccupation of our heroic players.
B is for Bookies: The secondary occupation and preoccupation of our heroic players.
C is for Cricket: The tertiary occupation and preoccupation of our heroic players.
D is for Defeat: The results of A + B + C.
E is for Excuses: The results of A + B + C + D.
F is for Fans: Millions of morons who watch their heroes score zeros.
G is for Gandhi: Proponent of non-violence; major influence on the team as players refrain from smiting a cricket ball or showing any aggression.
H is for Hype: The bubble that always bursts.
I is for Injuries: Affects the players at regular intervals; though what hurts most is pride.
J is for Jokers: What Mohinder Amarnath once described the selectors as a bunch of, thereby insulting all clowns everywhere.
K is for Kapil Dev: The best Indian all-rounder on the recent tour of Australia, in the home series against South Africa and at Sharjah. Unfortunately, he is just the coach.
L is for Lele: Astrologer-in-chief of the BCCI. Unfortunately, whenever his predictions come true, the Indian team sees stars.
M is for Media: The cause of what's wrong with Indian cricket because it reports what's wrong with Indian cricket.
N is for No Ball: See X.
O is for One-Day Internationals: Also called pyjama cricket. Rightly so, since our players appear to be asleep during these matches.
P is for Pace Bowling: Something that Indian batsmen cannot negotiate (also see S).
Q is for Queue: Serpentine lines formed by supporters wishing to see the team play, then wishing they'd stayed at home (also see F).
R is for Rain: The single factor that can rescue India from losing a match.
S is for Spin Bowling: Something that Indian batsmen cannot negotiate (also see P).
T is for Training: Acting and accounting sessions (see A and B) leaving scant time for net practice.
U is for Unusual: In Indian win or consistence performance.
V is for Victory: See W.
W is for Win: A word that's slipped out of the lexicon of Indian cricket to be replaced by Whine.
X is for X-tras: The number of no balls, wides, byes and leg byes donated by Indian bowlers that usually exceeds the highest score registered by an Indian batsman in reply.
Y is for Yawn: A by-product of watching Rahul Dravid bat.
Z is for Zero: The sum total of the contribution to the team's total from the lower half of the batting order.