I started with the notion that an easy way to wriggle out of this mess that I'd got into would be to list Bill Clinton Jokes. Therefore when I typed in the phrase "Bill Clinton Jokes" in the space provided by the Google Search Engine, I got 20,700 responses in 0.04 seconds. It was an overwhelming moment, and consequently my article was delayed for over three days till I was reminded, yet again, of my commitment to Jaal. The word deadline was freely and indiscriminately used. But, I by now appreciated more fully the Jaal assessment that Bill Clinton's contribution has been the greatest not so much in the intended fields of non-proliferation and conflict resolution and map making but unintentionally, in the growing legacy of Bill Clinton jokes. There is some funny stuff out there though I must admit that some of it sounds, frankly, improbable.
Since I have to use this space effectively I might as well suggest that you should spam the Jaal mailbox with Bill-Atalji jokes. There is also this matter of personal chemistry that I'm worried about. To re-state the perfectly obvious as Jaal Editor put it, Atalji is, as Pramod Mahajanji was reported to have said in the heat of an election moment, no "Monicaji". Will they hit it off? A man full in his prime, the most potent leader of the world, with Atal Behari Vajpayee, not famous anymore even in the RSS circles, I have been unreliably told, for charisma. I've read in newspaper reports that Atalji is not getting a substantial one-to-one meeting with Clintonji while even Chandrababu Naiduji is getting a reasonably private darshan of enviable proportions and, no doubt, presidential proportions.
"Why", he exclaimed disgustedly, "Even some frigging tiger in Ranthambore is getting a one-to-one with Clintonbaba." I told the Jaal Editor that I thought that the reports appeared mischievous, especially with the Parliament session on. Then, after a couple of days, the Editor Jaal took an entirely new tack. It was pointed out to me that after the widely publicised Kenneth Starr disclosures, Vajpayee may well have been advised by well meaning persons against a one-to-one with Bill Clinton. Off the record spin would suggest that this would show exactly what Ataji thought of Bill's proposed visit to Islamabad where he would break bread with the Chief Sponsor of Terrorism.
Being a bit of a conspiracy theorist, the Jaal Editor further told me: These days who knows who has got what hidden agenda? I told him I did not subscribe to his line of reasoning. I counter-suggested that if Vajpayee was really concerned about Pakistan being a state-sponsor of terrorism then he should cut off relations with such terrorist-sponsor states. This was a disingenuous line of reasoning but it threw him off trail. I was then advised by the Jaal Editor that I should proffer a reading list for Clinton to better acquaint himself with this region. He said, helpfully, "Forget that Andrew Morton book, Clinton probably knows more about Monica than the author himself. Prescribe the Kamasutra. Illustrated Interactive Version With Big Moving Pictures." I had to reject this sort of gratuitous advice from the Jaal Editor but I had to do it in a manner that did not cause offense. So I put it to him, thus: I don't think Jaal has a locus standi on what the American President should or should not read or see.
It's a bit like the Kashmir thing. Jaal shouldn't give advice unless specifically asked to do so by the President of the US. All the newspapers are anyway full of advice. How is Jaal to be different if you also put in your two bits worth? Besides, any reading list while being fully appreciative of the nuances and the positions and such like that are prevalent in the region should also be a contemporary. This Kamasutra thing is passe. It was written and illustrated sometime in the BC period. "For Christ's sake! What is this BC nonsense that you are giving me?" the Jaal Editor asked me, suspicion dripping down the telephone line: "Are you trying to wriggle out of writing your piece?" I could almost hear him mentally trying to expand BC in Hindi at me, as many Delhiites are apt to do. I had to tell the Editor that "BC" stood for Before Cigars. Vatsayana didn't have a clue about cigars. The Jaal Editor heard me out with deliberate patience then he said, I thought, sarcastically, "All that is very fine, but did you have to mention Kashmir". I thought Jaal would publish a piece without the 'K' word, and now Jaal is no different.
Thanks a lot." I told him, consolingly, "Look at it this way: Phonetically, the 'K' in Kashmir and the "C" in Clinton are one and the same. For purposes of this assessment, you might therefore spell Clinton with a K."