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Illustration: Rustam Vania |
LALOO JOKES
HERE'S JAAL'S COLLECTION OF JOKE SON LALOO PRASAD YADAV. THESE JOKES HAVE BEEN CIRCULATING IN CYBERSPACE, WE DECIDED TO PUT THEM TOGETHER. IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE SEND THEM IN TO editor@jaalmag.com
Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read
on) and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz
Sharif. They decide to meet without aides and are closeted
for about 5 minutes.
Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a
statement. "Nawazbhai will make the announcement" is all
Laloo will say.
Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has
decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings
attached!
The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what
others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what
did you promise, the press clamours.
"Sab Akai TV-waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Woh kehte
hain na, TV loge to fridge doonga, video khareedein to
cellphone free... to ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: `aapko
Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free
milega, bas!'"
Laloo to a long-distance telephone operator:
"COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PATNA AND LAS
VEGAS?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE, SIR ..."
Laloo: "THANK YOU", AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the
bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on
for quite some time, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a
friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Laloo brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL". Laloo replies. "SEE THIS CARTON, IT IS WRITTEN-`FOR 4-7 YRS'."
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go
modelling.
Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbow on the back
of the cattle he poses for a photograph
Next day the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION !!
"Laloo, third from left!"
Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business
Development to Bihar.
The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated,
"Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower
like Japan."
Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inefficient," he
stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"
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Finance Minister Yashwant Sinha
WHAT HE SAID:Let me tell you that apart from the five people - officials who are involved in the Budget exercise in its totality and the Finance Minister and the Prime Minister - nobody else and absolutely nobody else has any idea of what the total Budget is all about.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD: And, ultimately, nobody and absolutely nobody has any idea of what the Budget is about.
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Former advisor to the Finance Minister Mohan Guruswamy
WHAT HE SAID:The Vajpayee-Advani relationship is like the Charles-Diana marriage. They'll pose in front of the Taj but their body language will tell a different story.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:Now my relationship with Yashwant Sinha was like that between the Bobbitts. I played Lorena.
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Bihar Governor Sunder Singh Bhandari on having to deal with the return of the Rashtriya Janata Dal Government in the State.
WHAT HE SAID: A new establishment will take over after the revival of the Assembly which is in suspended animation.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD: As for me, I will remain in a state of animated suspension.
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Javed Akhtar
WHAT HE SAID:Shabana (Azmi) transformed me into a compulsive kurtawalla. The kurta, Shabana and I have remained together ever since.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:Of course, after so many years, it does smell a bit…..the kurta, I mean.
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Actress Urmila Matondkar
WHAT SHE SAID:Most men are so easy to understand. Like Shobha De, I could write a book called Surviving Men without much difficulty.
WHAT SHE DID NOT ADD:Actually, I guess anyone could write like Shobha De without much difficulty.
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