Ever since this Kandahar business happened, this swapping of people we have no use for in exchange for people who we obviously are happy to have in our midst, we at Jaal have been sitting with our thinking caps on. We admit there are aspects to this swapping that are appealing, and we are also inclined not to give in to what seems to be a spirited backlash from a bunch of people who say the Government did the wrong thing. On the contrary we think that Vajpayee did a good thing - but only in principle - for agreeing to an exchange. Jaal's quarrel is with the people that the Government chose to exchange. As it stands, Jaal certainly thinks that the action by the Government will not discourage others from adopting similar techniques for similar ends. At the same time we should be alive to the possibility of exploiting future hijackings to our advantage. With this national interest firmly in view, Jaal, after due cogitation, advances these ten names that should be on top of the nation's exchange priorities when the next hijack happens. If there are serious differences with regard to the names advanced, we will be happy to look at your candidates for India's Least Wanted, in order to evolve a national consensus on this matter. Dissenters are welcome to write in to Editor, Jaal, giving succinct reasons of not more than a hundred words to each name proposed. We do solemnly swear that the consensus we build will be a far more credible effort than this Government is doing on, say, the CTBT (whatever that means!).

I. Brajesh Mishra: The National Security Advisor, for repeatedly showing the country how ineffective his counsel (if any) is, and what a useless National Security Council he oversees. He is NOT a national asset. He is a national ass. (As you can see, we are trying to be economical with our praise). Thanks to his sense of national security we had Kargil and then we had Kandahar. What we don't have is a deterrent to either. Now, if only the Government had proposed an alternate list of names with Mr Mishra heading the list, the hijackers, who have been reported as having wept several times in sheer frustration, would have given up their profession if all they got from the chief Indian negotiator whenever they revised their demands: ``No you cannot have that Azhar chap. Why don't you take Brajesh Mishra instead? Look, we'll make it easier for you."

2. A K Singhal, Working President, Vishwa Hindu Parishad: His contribution to the national debate- ``It is not the Government that had to demonstrate courage. If the pilot had the courage, he could have just refused to fly the plane.'' To which the pilot Devi Sharan replied: "What was this gentleman doing during the crisis?" Good question but probably rhetorical. Singhal was taking another lesson in hair-splitting, VHP style. To that we would like to ask: What is Mr Singhal's view on the safe passage given to Pakistani regulars and irregulars during Kargil? Will he say that it was not for the Government to demonstrate courage there but it was the Army that should have done the needful?

3. Rajendra Singh, Sarsanghchalak (chief ) of the Rastriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), alias Rajju Bhaiyya: His contribution- Hindu society is cowardly, and therefore the Government could not be expected to take a hard decision. It is obvious that Rajju Bhaiyya is good at hiding behind words that make no sense at all. Rajju Bhaiyya should join MTV and become their veejay (that is if they will hire such dolts in the first place). With his half pants he'll be an unqualified hit.

4. Govindacharya (BJP ideologue): He said, The battle was lost when the relatives agitated before the Prime Monster's Residence. "We cannot have a hard state in a soft society." This sort of logic can only come from people who are full of bovine excreta of the male variety. If the plane had been full of RSS and BJP netas including Mr Govindacharya he would have been eating his own words on prime time television.

5. L K Advani: First said the swap was the "only worthwhile option available to the Government" and then followed it up with a somewhat but not totally contradictory statement that the outcome of the hijack had dented the credibility of the BJP. And here we at Jaal all along thought it was the NDA that mishandled the hijack and not the BJP per se. Advani who is given to fantasising about "hot pursuit" in public and his general rhetoric of the take-no-prisoners kind, has revealed another tender side to his personality by agreeing in the Cabinet meetings to this exchange.

6. Jena Krishnamoorthy, BJP Vice president: First said we do not think along those lines ("those lines" being that of Advani) then when pressed on which line his thinking ran came up with an inspired: "The BJP has no view on hijack". So now the BJP has no views on the hijack and yet does not think that Advani is right. This explains why the BJP is the Braindead Janata Party.

7. Jaswant Singh, purveyor of a peculiar kind of inedible foreign policy waffle: No matter how hard we try, he always is there on our radar screen, larger than life. We only have one thing to add: He should have stayed on in Kandahar. We are unable to pronounce for a fact if he went there to talk to the Taliban in their capacity of being "key interlocuters" or to have his rather distinguished nose rubbed on Kandahar tarmac dirt. In any case, the Taliban had a good look at this strange creature who one day chastises the Taliban for fomenting "medieval malevolence" and another day is willing to clutch Muttawakil to his political bosom in front of TV cameras. Since his presence in Kandahar was not on the reported wish-list of the hijackers, it is very much possible that he went to Kandahar to verify first hand the efficacy of his Taliban policy which is there before the whole country to see.

8. L K Advani (Again): For saying that identities of the hijackers had been confirmed by the passengers and the crew while releasing the photographs of the alleged hijackers to the press. Both the pilot of IC-814 and the flight engineer denied having been shown any such photograph and further said, they would not have been able to identify the hijackers because they had been wearing "monkey caps" throughout the episode. This seems to be another clear case of no-brainer and what's worse is this guy is the Home Minister.

9. Azhar: Azhar Masood or Mohammed Azharuddin? In Jaal's considered view neither play good cricket, but you go figure.

10. The Indian Cricket Team: We could have taken the easy way out and listed the team members. But we at Jaal have strong principles. We target the Indian cricket team only when we begin to run out of ideas. Jaal hasn't figured out yet how their presence helps India. We could conceivably exchange the team for people more relevant. Our only fear is that the Taliban may say that cricket is not hugely popular in Afghanistan and the backers of the hijackers, the Pakistanis, may be strongly tempted to say that empirical and other evidence clearly suggests they have a team that works better and therefore will have no use for Sachin and his little boys.