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Illustration: Sudhir Thomas Bhengra |
JOKES
Here are some jokes for you all you citizens of Cyberia. All sent in by our friend Sunit Katkar, a cool dude. Check our Sunit's own website at:
http://www.vidyut.com/sunit |
http://www.vidyut.com/sunit/JavaPage.html |
http://www.vidyut.com/sunit/PalmPage.html
If you have a collection of jokes, send it to us at editor@jaalmag.com
AXIOMS FOR THE INTERNET AGE
1. Home is where you hang your @
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C:\is the root of all directories.
8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Windows will never cease.
18. In Gates we trust.
19. Virtual reality is its own reward.
20. Modulation in all things.
21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
22. There's no place like home.com
23. Know what to expect before you connect.
24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
25. Speed thrills.
26. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use
the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
And, even more from Sunit:
Computerese = Bollywood
1. Pentium II and Pentium I= Bade Miyan Chhote Miyan
2. An employee who signs a bond= Bandhan
3. Ctrl C + Ctrl V= Duplicate
4. An employee on probation= Paying Guest
5. Ctrl + Alt + Del= Aakhri Raasta
6. An employee who frequently changes companies= Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi
7. An employee who is ready to sign a bond = Dulhan Banu Mai Teri
8. An employee without signing bond = Kachche Dhage
9. Sister concern = Judwaa
10. What the Boss says to employees when asked for an increment = Kuch Kuch Hota Hain
11. An employee who works sincerely = Dil Se
12. An employee who is ready to leave his job = Doli Saja Ke Rakhna
13. A project having two projects leaders = Ek Phool Do Mali
14. An employee without accommodation = Pardesi Babu
15. Password = China Gate
16. Super User Password = Gupt
17. An employee who sticks to a company for more than three years = Amar Prem
18. Bill Gates = Humse Badhkar Kaun
19. Microsoft Corporation = Ustadon Ke Ustad
20. Group Leader = Khal Nayak
21. Backup = Jagte Raho
22. DOS & Windows = Do Raaste
23. F1 = Guide
24. Internet = Door Gagan Ki Chhav Mein
25. Operator vs computer = Main Khiladi Tu Anadi
26. Windows 95 = Bade Dilwala
27. Undelete = Naya Jivan
28. Project incharge = Mohra
29. An employee who falls in love during his posting in a foreign country = Love in Tokyo
30. An employee who left the job without informing employers = Nau Do Gyarah
31. Mail Merge in MS Word = Sangam
32. Server = Godfather
33. Interview = Muqabla
34. Result of Interview = Kadwa Sach
35. An employee who fails to get visa = Hero Hindustani
36. Visa = Border
37. A system infected by virus = Pyar to Hona Hi Tha
38. Anti-virus Kit = Soldier
39. System without RAM = Kora Kagaz
40. Temporary file = Khote Sikkey
41. A system which frequently requires bootable disk = Sharabi
42. A computer for the virus = Piya Ka Ghar
43. Hard Disk vs Floppy Disk = Gharwali Baharwali
44. Boss having less knowledge than employee = Baap Numbary Beta Dus Numbary
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Official stand of the Pakistan Government on the Kargil exchange:
WHAT HE SAID:Our Armed Forces are alert to meet any challenge if India launched a misadventure across the LoC (Line of Control).
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:The Pakistan Government reserves the right to all misadventures in the region.
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Congress defector P A Sangma:
WHAT HE SAID:You can't just have any ABC as Prime Minister.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:That's why we keep changing so many of them - to keep the entire alphabet represented.
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Bharatiya Janata Party leader J P Mathur on Sonia Gandhi withdrawing her resignation from the post of Congress president:
WHAT HE SAID:The Congress has a tradition of enacting dramas and Sonia Gandhi has continued that.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:That, of course, is because she is an Italian rooted in Western concepts. We are swadeshi and we stage tamashas.
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Indian cricket coach Anshuman Gaekwad:
WHAT HE SAID:Forget South Africa, our team is in a class of its own.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:Yes, kindergarten.
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Indian cricket captain Mohammed Azharuddin:
WHAT HE SAID:But it is not as if I am not timing the ball or my feet are not moving well. Yes, I am not chipping in with decent scores.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:Imagine what would have happened if I had been out of form!
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Actor Saif Ali Khan Pataudi:
WHAT HE SAID:I have no problems with cricketers endorsing products. But I feel they should be seen and not heard.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:And actors like me should neither be seen nor heard.
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