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Rustam Vania |
TITANIC BOLLYWOOD ISHTYLE
JAAL brings you a version of the Titanic, if it is remade as a Hindi film. If you have any jokes, send them in to editor@jaalmag.com
The name of the movie would be Goa to Bombay. Well here it goes!
Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as Jack. Madhuri's fiancé would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" every time he sees Shahrukh.
Amitabh Bachchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die.
Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained in every dance sequence.
The movie would only last 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing, there would be only 22 songs in the movie.
The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam janta. The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive on-board population.
The infamous lovemaking scene would be replaced with a song in the Swiss Alps.
The best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during the chaos. The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will also get a song or two.
Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In this case, Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along the Yamuna and the water stinks!
How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully clothed minus the locket (Asha Parekh, yaar!).
This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras, of course, in an art gallery.
Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom on the ship, while she is swabbing the deck. Only during the climax would she tell Shahrukh about how Gulshan had troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.
There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Anu Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.
Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" is yelled would be a record in the history of cinema.
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