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Dear Jaal,
I have been told that you have completed five years. However, that is just Indian propaganda, and the ISI says that it’s actually five weeks. I must inform you that the people of Pakistan are very offended with your portrayal of my poodles. Please remove all references to the dogs otherwise I’ll unleash my Begum upon you.
Kind regards.
Pervez Musharraf
Jaal: The Perv is another Jaal regular.
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Dear Jaal,
It gives me great pleasure to congratulate you on your fifth anniversary. Condi informed me that Jailmag.com has reached that millstone. I have great news for you, we have decided to increase the number of excavations in 2004. Is that executives? Sorry, Condi? Executions? Executions of executives? Sorry, Condi. Jus' executions, Texas-style. Your website serves a purpose that is as meaningful as our occupation of Iraq, and almost as funny. I must mention here that Saddam Hussein is the enema of the people. Gotta go now, Dick wants oil.
George W Bush
Jaal: Dubya has been regularly featured on Jaal, as recently as…then.
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Dear Jaal,
Thank you for writing with a request for a letter from the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister is currently out of the country and cannot respond to you immediately. However, the issue will be brought up at the next Cabinet meeting, deliberated upon, put up before Parliament and a Bill passed, send to a Parliamentary Standing Committee, reworked, send back to Parliament as George Fernandes and Sonia Gandhi get boycotted. Expect results in about 10 years.
Atal Behari Vajpayee
Jaal: The Prime Minister has been a Jaal favourite.
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Dear Jaal,
The United Nations and Jaalmag.com share a space in history. We are an institution and you need to be institutionalised. Jaalmag.com has the gravitas of a Security Council debate and makes just as much sense.
Kofi Annan
Jaal: The UN figures sometimes in Jaal.
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Dear Jaal,
Who the fuck are you?
All the best.
Aishwarya Rai
Jaal: Thank you. Ms Rai has also featured in Jaal.
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