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Ten FAQs about Kargil
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1. Kargil is: a) the craggy and mountainous link between northern Kashmir and Ladakh b) the craggy and mountainous battle-zone between India and Pakistan c) the craggy and mountainous issue of the next elections d) a metaphor for Sonia Gandhi's various assets 
2. Nawaz Sharif is: a) a shrewd and calculating politician who convicted his opponent and packed his men in the judiciary, army and bureaucracy b) a prisoner of the shrewd and calculating Pakistan armed forces, who win no matter what happens c) not very happy with the shrewd and calculating Bill Clinton, who isn't going to suffer any nuclear blackmail during his watch d) going to be thrown out of power by some very shrewd and calculating voters very soon 
3. Atal Behari Vajpayee is: a) the winner in Kargil b) the winner in Washington, DC c) the winner in the BJP's internal wrangles d) the loser in the next elections 
4. L K Advani can't donate blood for injured jawans because: a) he's a Pakistani b) he's a vampire, and, in fact, needs blood for sustenance c) he has AIDS d) all of the above 
5. The number of enemy casualties is calculated by: a) counting the number of dead bodies after a battle b) counting the number of coffins the enemy ships back from the front c) counting the number of condolence telegrams dispatched by GHQ in Rawalpindi d) counting the number of "aaaaaahhhs" you hear in the distance 
6. The top-class reportage from Kargil is due to: a) the habit of the Indian media to clinically and objectively investigate and report both sides of a story b) the habit of the Indian media to shroud the truth in impenetrable layers of objectivity, exhaustive thoroughness, and proper grammar c) the habit of the Indian media to focus on stories and issues that concern every section of society, including that 48 per cent who are illiterate, or that 40 per cent for whom news from Kargil is a pleasant diversion from the fact that they live below the poverty line d) the habit of the Indian media to do nothing that will threaten the supply of criminally subsidised bottles of Old Monk rum from the army canteens around the nation 
7. What comprises a human rights violation? a) army jawans raping a young peasant out of frustration b) terrorists killing Hindus out of anger c) individual liberties being curbed by politicians, out of fear of losing power d) having to watch Rajdeep Sardesai read the news, out of sheer boredom 
8. Indian soldiers are fighting: a) Pakistan army soldiers b) mercenary mujahideen c) an international public relations war d) the BJP's next election campaign 
9. Cold and lifeless describes: a) the Kargil landscape b) the face of a dead soldier c) the reason Pathans leave their wives for other men d) Nawaz Sharif's complexion after being yelled at by Bill Clinton 
10. Patriotism is: a) fighting and bleeding for your country b) cheering on the generals and politicians for your country c) donating your hard-earned money for your country d) working for Jaal |
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