1. Mohammed Azharuddin (Captain): Now into his mid 50s and still the skipper or is that the still skipper? Explained the team's recent string of poor performances in inimitable terms: ``You can't just blame only the captain. We didn't bat well, didn't field well and didn't bowl well. Otherwise, I think, we did okay.'' Still considered the fittest man in the squad, which doesn't say much for the rest.

2. Sachin Tendulkar: His eighth return to active cricket from retirement. Now holds the world record for the maximum number of advertisements recorded anywhere, any time and by anyone.

3. Nil Kumble: Son of the famed leg-spinner. Unlike his father, he's India spearhead fast bowler, except for the fact that his pop used to get more speed and bounce from the pitch.

4. Lopanda Bopusta: Is part of the reserved quota. Belongs to the Andaman and Nicobar Islands. Keeps wickets and unnerves rival batsmen with his bloodcurling tribal yells.

5. Manmohan Dalmia: From the management quota. Doesn't bat, bowl or field but keeps score, that is, calculates the money earned from a day's play, from sponsors, ticket sales, and advertisers. Is considered an indispensable part of the Indian team and definitely the most popular among other players.

6. Gaurav Ganguly: Well know for his sobriquet of `Frog of Calcutta'. Earned that nickname by hopping frantically around the batting crease whenever he faces fast bowling.

7. A Gnuman: Won the contest organised by a leading MNC TV company. The prize? A place in the Indian team for the entire tournament. Goes well with the company's slogan: ``You can't get closer to the action than this.''

8. Meherban Sattawala: The bookies' representative on the team. His job is to keep an eye on their investments, up close and personal. Is also the Vice Captain of the squad.

9. OBC Yadav: The member of the team from the backwards quota. Is only expected to bat, bowl or field 67 per cent of the time.

10. Geoffrey Boycott: Spent so much time commentating on international cricket matches in the country that he became eligible for citizenship. Refuses to score runs but doesn't get out either, a plus for the side.

11. Amay Khurasia: Finally makes it to the playing XI after a looooooong wait.

Jaal thanks Sunit Katkar, a cool dude in San Diego, for the idea and inputs