....When 'Batsman' Became 'Betsman'
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It All Started With A Spelling Error.... ....When 'Batsman' Became 'Betsman' |
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CA: Sir, it would be safe for you to accuse others of communal bashing till at least we have an idea of how much money have we got? My fingers are already hurting counting cash. It is a total mess. Azhar: (Surprised) Really! CA: Financial matching is damn tough. It is not like your One-Day matches where you fix match in a minute with bookie on a cellular phone. Azhar: So, I have to again keep saying I am a Moslem undergoing through communal bashing? CA: Yes, we have no option….. But, Sir, how did you get this brilliant idea of you going through communal bashing? Azhar: You know every night Sangeeta beats me up badly with her high heel chappals. It is pure communal bashing. It is really bad. It became a nightmare. CA: Then? Azhar: Then soon I was seeing her everywhere even when she was not there. In fact some of the biggest sixes I have hit were based on just imitating her huge swing with chappal. CA: Not all husbands are so lucky. But have we hired a good criminal lawyer to defend us? Azhar: I do not know how good that person is as a lawyer whom I met last night. Bhai had referred him to me and he convinced me that he is at least a very good criminal. CA. So first half of our problem in finding a good criminal lawyer are over. Azhar: Also uncle who was earlier in Law Ministry is helping me with his legal knowledge. CA: Did he suggest a defense? Azhar: Yes. He did. He asked me to produce in court my marks in English language in municipal school where I studied. CA: How will it help you? Azhar: He said it will help a lot. He is so used to dealing with smugglers that he only talked in coded language. CA: How much did you get? Azhar: Thirty-three. I just passed with grace mark and blessings of Bhai. CA: Bhai? Azhar: Yes. CA: So how will it now help you? Azhar: He said you simply you tell the court that your Municipal school English teacher spelt bat as bet. CA: So? Azhar: All my problems began from there. I thought I was to bet every time I was on the Cricket crease.  CA: Your uncle is really great.Azhar: Why do you think smuggling is so rampant. All smugglers love my uncle. He solves their problems. Sangeeta's uncle's daughter is married to his cousin's son's wife. CA: How is Sangeeta taking it? Azhar: Bhai rang up from Dubai. He was very disturbed with the news of Income tax raids. He has come up with an idea of making a film with me as Hero and match fixing as theme. Sangeeta will be heroine. He said that he hates the idea of both of us without any work. CA: What will be the plot of the story? Azhar: She looks at Hero in a Five Star Hotel and falls in love with his cash. CA: Yes. That is very fascinating idea. Then? Azhar: When she meets him in a five star hotel pub she coos, "How are you?" CA: Then? Azhar: Then Hero says, "Hundred Crores". CA: Then? Azhar: Then Heroine falls in love at first night. CA: How romantic? Azhar: Yeah. They both fall in love, kiss each other, with heroine taking bundles of five hundred rupee notes out of Hero's pockets. CA: Great. Azhar: But there is a catch. Hero works for ISI and five hundred rupee notes are fake. CA: Real twister! Azhar: Bhai is also too excited about this scene? And then one day she realizes she has been cheated by Hero . She wants to kill him now. She goes and buys a revolver and fires at him. The Hero survives because revolver turns out to be fake. Then she goes to a psychiatrist. She tells him she can not figure out in life whether she is more in love with cash or men? CA: Very gripping theme! Azhar: Yes. Very gripping. I kept holding my chair when Bhai told me the film story plot. CA: Then what happens? Azhar: Then one night she meets this villain called Amitabh and falls madly in love with him. CA: How does villain walk into her life? Azhar: It was not villain but she sees him on his show Kaun Banega Krorepati on television in fifty minutes. CA: Then? Azhar: Then she and villain have an emotional relationship. Hero looks through her transparent bra and she at his cash. Scenes are very intense. There are nude scenes with she having a bath under shower and comes out clad in five hundred rupee notes. CA: Then? Azhar: Then villain does Quiz fixing. Invites her to the show and she realizes villain has also cheated her in her emotional relationship after the quiz show. She thinks villain has played with her emotions and ruined her life. CA: How? Azhar: On the show villain as show anchor on the screen shows her picture of four baldies and a Five Hundred Rupee Note and asks whose picture is on Five Hundred rupee Note? CA: Then? Azhar: Then she uses first life line on the show and says I will take Fifty- Fifty. CA: Then? Azhar: Then. There are only two names left on the screen.. Mahatama Gandhi and Anupam Kher. CA: Real suspense! Azhar: She still can't make up her mind. She goes for Audience Poll. And 91% of the audience in studio also says it is Anupam Kher. CA: And then? Azhar: Then she uses the third lifeline. It is matter of one Crore. She rings up her friend Laaloo Prasad in Bihar. And he also says it is Anupam Kher. CA: It is cheating. In democracy what matters is public opinion. If public says it is Anupam Kher then the matter is over. It is Anupam Kher. It is not her fault. Poor heroine. Why do they give such highly difficult questions which only academically qualified people can answer. CA: Bastards. Azhar: You see this villain made it really tough. You see this is majority conspiracy. This villain is a stooge of Bala Sahib. He deliberated made it tricky. CA: Then? Azhar: Then heroine rings up Bhai in Dubai to seek revenge. CA: Then? Azhar: Then there are Hindu Moslem riots in Bombay. CA: Sounds like that Mani Ratnam film Bombay. Azhar: No, this one has different ending. CA: How exciting? Azhar: Yes during the riots when whole Bombay is burning like a firecracker. She picks up a revolver, takes her car and shoots both hero and villain. And then she flies away with suitcases of cash in her plane. CA: Real climax….. Then? Azhar: Plane turns out to be an old Boeing 737 and crashes in mid air. She had purchased it from Alliance Air. CA: Oh Gosh! What a climax. Azhar: Bhai likes to call it an orgasm. CA: Then? Azhar: Then film ends. CA: Don't end it. Azhar: Bhai says he may make Part II like film Godfather Bhai and you got to wait for Bhai's fresh ideas on it. He says by then our kids would have grown up to be Heroes and Heroines. RECENTLY ON JAAL: India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji Vishv Bandhu Gupta is Additional Commissioner, Income Tax. He was also the first IT official to point out that Indian cricket players had assets disproportionate to their known sources of income SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: |
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