Or A Dive Into The Genetic Pool
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India's Human Genome Projectile Or A Dive Into The Genetic Pool |
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Now, let me let you into the loop. India could go places with the genome. My usually unreliable sources tell me that a top-secret Ministerial Committee has been constituted to prepare a roadmap for India's foray into functional genomics since we never participated in the actual Human Genome Project (HGP). My source also claims to have unearthed a minutes of the first meeting of that Committee, apparently from a disgruntled peon. These Ministers were briefed by a senior official of the Indian scientific establishment, or so the source says. Here then is the text:  Scientist: Honourable and respected ministers, the future of medical science lies in the results of the HGP. We have to get serious about genetic palmistry. The future is in our genes.Minister I: How dare you? Damn the denim. We have a rich tradition of attire - dhotis, pyjamas, mundus, lungis, angavastrams. Why do we need decadent Western clothing? Scientist: G-E-N-E-S. As in genetic engineering. We have to take this forward; understand the break-up of the DNA. Minister 2 (Flustered): What break up? The NDA is not breaking up; that is just a vile rumour spread by the Commie Press. We will stay together even if we keep fighting all the time. Scientist: D-N-A. As I was saying, we already have a programme in place, we need to provide it with momentum. It's headed by the ISI….. Minister 3 (spluttering): ISI! ISI? It has infiltrated again? We must tell the Press about this. We must promise a White Paper and then not release one for months, then release a version heavily censored in the name of national security. Scientist: Sir, ISI as in the Indian Statistical Institute, Calcutta. The Centre of Biochemical Technology and the All India Institute of Medical Sciences in Delhi and the Centre for Cellular and Molecular Biology in Hyderabad, and others, are also involved. But funding is desperately required… Minister 4: Funding? No, no, no. How will we balance the Budget if we indulge in such extravagance? Where will we find the money? Remember, we've just accounted for more than Rs 100 crore so that senior leaders of the country can surf the Internet for free. How can you ask for more money for technology? Isn't that enough? We must get our priorities right. Scientist: …but, we must!!! We must study our population, apply the findings and sequences. We must develop medicines and file patents. Minister I: Patent medicines? That I understand. I use them for my stomach troubles. All those state banquets, all those rumbles and grumbles. Scientist: But, Sir, I am talking about patents….TRIPS? WTO? We are already fighting patents on haldi, neem, even basmati rice. We must be first here. Minister 3: Yes, yes, yes, we must listen to him. Our nation has a rich scientific legacy. We invented the zero. We must maintain that tradition. Minister 2: Zero is okay, but what is this genetic-wenetic thing going to do? Scientist: Sir, medical science will be revolutionised. We'll be able to go from curative to predictive medicine. The potential is enormous. Genetic screening and counselling. We can foretell the future! Minister 2: So what's new? My pundit can do that. He read my janam kundali and said I'd be a great man. When we have horoscopes why do we need microscopes? Minister I (muttering): Maybe we should set up a public sector unit, invest thousands of crores and once it starts generating as profit, we can disinvest. (to the Scientist) But, tell me, is it all so great or are there problems with this gene thing? Scientist (pauses for a second): There are moral issues… Minister 3: Pah! Since when have we been concerned with such things? Scientist:….like cloning, eugenics, it could go to Seed. Minister I: You mean it has no potential? Scientist: No, no, I meant Dr Seed who's waiting for funding to undertake human cloning. Minister 2: You want us to fund him? He can build the perfect kar sevak? More important, can he create an efficient Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister before the Assembly elections? Scientist (holds his head): Sir, that would be wrong. We do not want manipulation, we just want it as a screening tool, for developing new pharmaceutical products, treatments for deadly diseases. But we must hurry because Western firms are already in the experimental stages. We must also guard against them raiding and exploiting our rich genetic pool. We must look out for ethical issues like using human guinea pigs. Minister 3 (confused): But I thought body shopping was a good thing for the economy? Or is that limited to the IT sector? Scientist: No, no, we must act. Minister I: Of course we can act. Don't you know Samajwadi Party leader Amar Singh is acting in a Bollywood film. If he can act, so can we! (A bureaucrat walks into the room, walks up to the seniormost Minister who is chairing the meeting but has been asleep since it commenced. The bureaucrat pods him and when he awakens, whispers into his ear) Seniormost Minister (yawning): That was very interesting. Thank you. We must meet again some other time whenever our busy schedule to permits. Perhaps next year? I'm sorry to close this meeting so soon but an important Cabinet meeting has been called and we must rush there. A very important issue is on the agenda - one of our alliance partners has said that Hrithik Roshan embodies Hindu virtue and patriotism while the Khans are subversives. We must discuss the matter, it must take priority. (The Ministers walk out leaving the Scientist alone. The Scientist sighs and gets up. As he leaves the room, a smile plays on his face as he thinks of the huge contract he has been offered by a transnational pharma major to work for them abroad on genomics research and development) RECENTLY ON JAAL: Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji Anirudh Bhattacharyya writes on science and ecology issues and political non-issues SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: |
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