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Hack Attack!
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 Okay, so you're familiar with hackwork - those phrases that repeat themselves ad nauseam in the dailies and magazines. The homily, metaphor, cliché deluge? So, here goes a sampling of what your average journo has in his special hack stylebook, stuff thathe can mechanically insert into his stories:1) 'fracas', also known as 'dustup'. Most often seen in close conjunction with 'unseemly'. Often applied to Parliament and other herds of political animals. 2) 'inveterate', sometimes confused on sub-editor's desk with 'invertebrate'. So one can find references to 'invertebrate followers of the political scene.' 3) The India Today ending, also sometimes the Times of India editpage ending, which always takes the form of a rhetorical question. for example, a) "is anyone listening", b) "have the ends of justice been served, that is the question," c) "Only time will tell" (that old tattletale)...ad infinitum. 4) 'the ends of justice.' scattered all over, especially in the Calcutta journals. Where are the beginnings of justice? Doesn't anyone care? Is anyone accountable for the beginnings of justice? Is that the question? 5) "Eves" and "Romeos": Young women and men, most often seen together in the context of "roadside Romeos" being accused of "Eve - teasing". 6) The "hardcores", "ultras" and "clean shaven culprits" associated with the "Punjab action" and other "trouble spots." Also the recently-much-in-the-news "hot pursuit." 7) The classic epitaph/retirement speech phrase: So and so must "receive kudos" for having "rendered yeoman service" to such and such. 8) "prepone". 9) "cooling their heels in the lockup". 10) "red-handed" 11) "point the finger of suspicion" 12) "highly placed sources" 13) "foreign hand" 14) "red alert" 15) "Doyens of Indian industry mooted a multi-crore plan to (s)quash anti-social elements operating in backward areas." And so we have the re-mastered master paragraph: The Karnataka and Tamil Nadu supremos, in consultation with the Maratha strongman, confabulated with the Special Task Force's (STF) crack sleuths about working out the modalities of the new agreement with the forest brigand. The PM himself has been airdashed in under conditions of beefed up security. Meanwhile the Mumbai police force, second only to Scotland Yard and having been called in to assist with the situation, have now swung into action and are ready to swoop down upon the brigand and his associates. In other news today, a flying squad of nuisance detectors (FSND) managed to nab red-handed three hardened criminals who have been remorselessly violating the ban on plastic bags (BOPB). Two other associates in the plastic bag scam (PBS) are believed to be absconding in Delhi. Meanwhile, the Bombay Municipal Corporation (BMC), stung by criticisms alleging that it is involved in the scam, has promised to take stock of the situation. The municipal workers union (MWU) has taken umbrage at the allegations and has vowed to take up cudgels on behalf of their comrades in the flying squads. The scam is rumoured to involve sums to the tune of Rs 10 crores. Border Security Force (BSF) cadres have been placed on red alert at the latest trouble spot (LTS) on the Indo-Pak border following anti-national activities being engaged in by a band of hardcores. Highly placed sources at South Block (HPSSB) point the finger of suspicion (FOS) at a sinister foreign hand (SFH) for sowing discord. Since the leaders of this band of ultras have been cooling their heels in the lockup of late, the most recent anti-social activities are probably intended to pressurise the Government into preponing the date of their release. Kudos to our BSF boys for having rendered yeoman service in putting a lid on this situation. In related news, an unseemly fracas broke out in Parliament today while Members were "debating" the latest border situation. The issue at stake was a recent master plan that has been mooted by doyens of the Indian security establishment and that is intended to quash all manner of anti-social elements operating in backward areas. Inveterate watchers of the political scene shook their collective head in dismay. Will our leaders ever learn to lead? Only time will tell. RECENTLY ON JAAL: Eee! Governance! Justice Unbound Small States, Large Stakes Con Banega Crorepati Salesman No. 1 Cat And Meows 25 Years After Paswan Goes DOTty Child's Play Toilet Paper Drought And About Boer Boar The Joke's On You The Coming Of Bill SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: ?
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