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She blew the big poll Why Sonia Gandhi=Monica Lewinsky

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I, Al Faridi Gnuman, am back. And as annoyed as hell. Why, you may ask - why are you back?
My vote went to waste. Unbelievable as it may seem, the electoral franchise exercised by Al Faridi Gnu-Man went a cropper. And in the bargain, Jaal's finances for the next two years (a whopping Rs 3,500) went down the drain -- which is why I'm on the run. Those satta operators don't like to wait for payback, and the trustees of Jaal's executive board do not like embezzlers.
By now you must be thinking, this Gnu went and voted for Sonia Gandhi. Ha! Fat chance. After all look at my species. It is my instinct to follow the rest of the herd, and I too decided not to take the chance of having a foreigner as my Prime Minister, even if she has become an Indian citizen. After all, how many Americans would be happy if Austrian-born Arnold Schwarzenegger ran for US President? Oh, I'm sorry - that's not a fair comparison is it? After all, his marriage into America's top political dynasty (Maria Shriver is JFK's niece) wasn't opportunistic the way Sonia's was, was it? And he hasn't waited for his spouse to die before announcing his desire to run for public office, has he?

main story pic Furthermore, what did Sonia ever do for India? I mean besides add to the population by two? Take a look at the late Princess Di by comparison. Look at her other accomplishments besides adding to England's population by two… Mainly, that she died in France, giving the Tories another reason to oppose integration with the rest of Europe. Or look at George Bush. All he did was add to the US population by two Governors.
So I took the BJP's advice. After all, they had some relevant and incisive points to make. For instance, if electing Sonia was tantamount to making Monica Lewinsky the Prime Minister of India, then I'm all for it. After all, Indian men are the most uptight, most high-strung, Mama's boys in the world. Obviously what they need are more blow jobs. Yep, Monica could have really turned India around, changed it from being a nation of under-achievers…

main story pic Another point they had made was that of Sonia's breasts. Something about how when she raised her hands, there wasn't much to look at. True, true. But when I look around me, I see everyone else with their hands raised - in surrender after the announcement of the hike in diesel prices. And I notice that there's nothing much to look at elsewhere - all the meat is getting packed into the fat double-chins and growing rumps of Sushma Swaraj, Atal Behari Vajpayee, and Pramod Mahajan.
So considering I didn't vote for Sonia, you may be baffled. For then I must have voted for the BJP, and cleaned up at the satta bazaar. But no, I did not vote for Atalji and his band of merry men.
You see, I figured that if the BJP is going to sign the CTBT, and then gift Pakistan-occupied Kashmir away anyway (quid pro quo to the Americans for the dressing down that Sharif got on July 4), I might as well cast my vote directly for Bill Clinton. I wrote his name in on my ballot paper, and drew the appropriate election symbol... yes, you've guessed correctly. It's the thing he's shoving up our backside very very slowly and firmly.
After all, why vote a foreigner who'll work for India, when you can vote for Indians who'll work for foreigners…

Al Faridi Gnuman is Jaal's resident psephologist (he reads tea leaves before smoking them) though his current whereabouts are unknown (creditors please take note)

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