2. Kesri becomes Prime Minister
February 2 (APe) - Congress president Sitaram Kesri staged a coup by breaking away United Front constituents and securing their support for a Congress-led Government at the Centre. Kesri himself assumed charge as Prime Minister. However, this proved the shortest-lived Government ever. Hours later, Kesri, while driving about Raisina Hill, had a brainstorm, met the President and withdrew support from the Government, forgetting that he himself headed it.

3. Maneka Gandhi new Congress president
March 13 (APe) - Floundering in the absence of a leader from the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty, the Congress in sheer desperation, asked Sanjay Gandhi's widow to head the party. Maneka on taking over immediately announced an All India Congress Committee session. During the session, the new Congress president provided one-third reservation to stray mongrels at all levels of the party organisation.

4. Capital to move to Mohenjodaro
April 1 (Pity I) - Buckling under RSS pressure, the BJP-led Central Government has decided to shift the Capital from Delhi. An official spokesman said that New Delhi was the creation of British imperialists and infidel conquerors and that the rajdhani of swatantra bharat should rightly be located in the cradle of Aryan civilisation. The move, however, was hastily scrapped when it was discovered that Mohenjodaro is located in Pakistan.

5. Kashmir issue resolved
June 17 (U'n'I) - After more than 50 years of conflict, Indian and Pakistani diplomats announced that the Kashmir issue had been successfully resolved. At a press conference, a Foreign Ministry spokesman said,``Kashmir has been renamed Uttaranchal. We will no longer discuss the Kashmir issue but the Uttaranchal issue. It also means that the promise made in the BJP manifesto of creating an Uttaranchal State has been met.''

6. Advani to step down
August 20 (Rotters) - Union Home Minister Lal Krishna Advani announced that he would be stepping down. ``Yes, I'll be moving from my first floor North Block office to the ground floor. Rajju Bhaiyya said that my office's location was not according to vaastushastra.'' Speaking to reporters, Advani also denied a rift with Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee: ``I have no differences with that damn lily-livered, incompetent, vacillating, liberal jellyfish,'' he said.

7. DDA hires VHP
September 28 (Pity I) - The Delhi Development Authority has sub-contracted all projects relating to demolition of structures to the Vishwa Hindu Parishad. Addressing a Press conference, the Vice-Chairman of the DDA said, ``We have chosen the VHP because of its long experience in this field, and its proven abilities.'' VHP CEO Ashok Singhal said that his organisation had also approached the Mathura and Varanasi municipal authorities with a similar proposal.

8. Salman Khan joins SPCA
November 15 (Rotters) - Film star Salman Khan, he of the muscles, mostly between his ears, has joined the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Actors (even Hams). Announcing his decision he said, ``I was tired of all this buck-waas going around.'' Khan also said that his latest venture will be filmed at the Corbett national park. ``The dates for the shooting have been finalised,'' he snickered.

9. India win Asiad gold
December 2 (APe) - India was awarded a special gold medal at the Bangkok Asian Games for having the largest contingent of officials of any participating nation. After the award ceremony, the chef-de-mission said, ``We are proud of our achievement. We will improve our standing for the Olympics and set a new record. We will not bother with minor issues like including athletes.''

10. Jaal felicitated
December 31 (Jaal) - Cutting across party lines, politicians have hailed the new e-zine, Jaal, as an excellent example of quality journalism. Presenting the `Best magazine Award' to Jaal's editors, Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee commended them for their committed journalism. Speaking at the function, Jaal's editors said, ``Yes, we need to be committed. We suck.''

AND ONE FOR 1999…
India wins World Cup
June 8 (Rotters) - Indian won the 1999 cricket World Cup putting up a consistently dazzling performance despite Sachin Tendulkar's modest contribution. A beaming Indian skipper Mohammed Azharuddin said, ``We batted well, we fielded well, we bowled well. We played like team.'' The Indian players had a strenuous two-month workout before the tournament forgoing modelling assignments and appointments with bookies.

Illustrations by Gaurav Sinha