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1. Rename India as Kashmir: Then no force on earth can logically demand the separation of Kashmir from Kashmir, much less make it happen. If the Kashmiris try to change the name of their State, well, too bad, that requires an act of Parliament. If the Pakistanis try to follow suit by changing their name, then they would be playing into the hands of Ashok Singhal and other crazies who want the re-unification of the sub-continent.
2. Nuke Sydney, Australia: The defeat in the World Cup finals was perhaps the most humiliating thing to happen to Pakistan. This show of brown-skinned solidarity might be just the thing to make the Pakis so grateful that they decide to drop their Kashmir campaign once and for all, especially if Shane Warne's fat tub happens to be Ground Zero.
3. Invite Bill Clinton to spend a night aboard one of Farooq Abdullah's daughters: The US President is not one to ever learn. For him, a blow job is not an act of sex. And who cares if the girls are about as old as his daughter! Doing the four daughters would almost be like Clinton's ultimate dream - doing the Spice Girls. What better way of getting him to arm-twist the United Nations into dropping those goddarned resolutions on plebiscite in Kashmir.
4. Invite Hilary Clinton to spend a night aboard one of Farooq Abdullah's daughters: Seeing the Bill Clinton's term is drawing to a close, perhaps it would be better to lay the ground for the future, given the wide rumours that Hilary may run for her husband's job in another eight years time. She would probably have a better time with the girls than Bill, though it is likely to make one prominent Washington anchor-woman very jealous, and cost India heavily in the US media.
5. Invite the Pathans to spend a night aboard Farooq Abdullah: This would be tantamount to killing two birds with one stone. The Pathan contingent of the Pakistan establishment and army would be so gratified to have done this pink and chubby Kashmiri that they may give up their campaign for Kashmir. Additionally, the Kashmiris themselves may be so grateful that what Farooq has been doing to them is being done to him, that they may even change their demand to the scrapping of Article 370.
6. Hand Kashmir over to Mozambique: Then what can Pakistan do? It shares no border with this African country, so it cannot foment any cross-border terrorism. The Kashmiris will be too perplexed to say anything, particularly when indigenous Mozambiqueans start arriving in droves to enjoy the fine Kashmiri weather.
7. Make Kashmir a princely state again, and appoint George Fernandes as the new prince: Think of those hapless Kashmiris having no choice but to jump to their prince's every whim! Picture George holding a sceptre, and then landing it down upon the US ambassador's head every time he gets annoyed! Imagine Jaya Jaitley wearing the queen's crown! Think of her ex-husband, Ashok Jaitley, having to serve as the court jester (as he has proved during the past three years that he knows nothing about administration)! And think of Karan Singh sulking in a corner, waiting to snatch his kingdom back! Those Kashmiris will be too busy following the palace intrigue to demand anything - and what can they demand? Independence from themselves?
8. Force Nawaz Sharif and Benazir Bhutto to make love: Of course the lights would have to remain off for this to work in India's favour.
9. Retain Azharuddin as the Indian captain: Or perhaps we can have separate captains for when India plays Pakistan, and those series when it plays the other nations. Azharuddin can contribute to the national effort by calling for a boycott of the Pakistan matches, so that he gets to be captain, we don't have to watch him play, and the Pakistanis forget about Kashmir.
10. Threaten to return Advani to Pakistan: Fearful of having this child molester on the loose, Islamabad will do anything to prevent the return of one of its original "sons of the soil". Include dropping its demand for Kashmir.
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