Ever since the 'civilized' European landlords let them go free some fifty years ago, the citizens of Bharat, a community in South Asia, have been trying hard to build a 'bridge to the future.' They call for tenders every five years and let the winning contractor work on this mega-project. Since the latest contractor bungled and also his business partner stabbed him on his back and ruined the work (if you could call that), the community has called for fresh tenders.

There are three serious contenders this time: the Bigoted-Jan Parivar Ltd., the Sycophants INC., and the Opportunists Anonymous. The community gives each company a limited amount of time to convince them why they should be given the contract this time.

Scene I

[All the factions of the Central Working Committee (CWC) members of the Sycophants INC are seated on the floor, and hectic consultations are going on in order to hide the faction fights and to put up a united front. At the center is a woman, SecretSonia, flanked by White-Man Mohan Singh, the accountant; Fodder Prasad Yadav, the cashier; Jayakala, the revolutionary ethicist, and a whole lot of others. There are a young man and a young woman standing right behind her waving their hands just like "windshield wipers." A Bharat elder asks the company president to step forward, and there ensues a great confusion and commotion.]

White-man Mohan Singh (propped up by a few INC functionaries and some White-Men from Washington DC, screams): No, I'm not; I'm not the President! I swear I have never even thought about it! I am a loyal sycophant just like all the other sycophants! I won't do such a thing! Please, lemme go.lemme go.

Jayakala: We have no President! When we start building the bridge, I will also be a President!

[A group of Sycophants break in abruptly] Long live SecretSonia! Long live SecretSonia! SecretSonia is our President!]

SecretSonia (breaking her secretive silence briefly): When we win the contract, the company will decide who the President is!
A Bharat Elder: Who in the company is in charge of doing that?
A group of Sycophants: SecretSonia is our leader!
The Elder (looking a little puzzled): What exact process do you follow?
All the Sycophants: We let our leader decide that! She is the most powerful, most resourceful and most careful!
SecretSonia: The company will decide when we win the contract. We will build the bridge!
A Community Elder: But, Madam, how?
SecretSonia: My hubby was an architect, his mother was one, her father was one, his father was one. We will build the bridge!
Another elder: That may be true, but have you built a bridge before?
SecretSonia: I am from the family of builders. We will build the bridge!
Elder 1: Do you realize that we are not concerned about the past of the bridge but the future of it?
SecretSonia: I have a son, daughter, and son-in-law. They are all good at waving, smiling and sitting next to me. They will build the bridge!
The Elders (frustrated): Okay, okay, you build the damn bridge!
SecretSonia: Do we build a dam or bridge?
White-Man Mohan Singh (sensing the impending disaster, steps in and answers the question): Yes, we have a plan. It has been specially created by my friends in Washington, D.C. They are very experienced in planning this kind of bridges around the world.
The Elders: Can you show us the plan?
White-Man Mohan Singh: They tell us what to do next as we go along!
The Elders: So you have no plan of yours?
White-Man Mohan Singh: We have a plan! Our plan is their plan, and their plan is our plan! It is all the same plan!
SecretSonia: It's White-Man's plan.
White-Man Mohan Singh: It is a comprehensive plan. You let us build the bridge; we will be indebted to you! And you will be indebted to them! They will give us all money.
Fodder Prasad (hearing the word money, gets very excited): I will keep the money; I will keep the money; I'm the cashier, you see?
Jayakala (determined not to let an opportunity slip by): Oh, Fodder, Fodder, you cannot keep all the money. You have to share with all of us! We will be in the same bridge project, you see! Do you know Dravidian ethics, Fodder?
Fodder: What kind of crap is that?

[Jayakala dismisses him from the primary membership of all parties in the whole wide world.]

White-Man Mohan Singh: Guys, guys, we cannot afford this 10 percent fight now! We cannot take any of that money! It is for the bridge! The Global Bank people have even greater ethics, you see?
Fodder: Building for free? Forget it! I never do that!
Jayakala: Me too, man! All this building and not even a few crores for me! Forget it! I will boycott all the joint-meetings of me with every single one of you!

Scene II

[The background is hopelessly chaotic as there are quite a few Central Committees, Polit Bureaus, General Councils and Executive Committees pushing one another to occupy the central stage. The Opportunist Anonymous folks do not seem to know who are in and who are out. Some 'comrades' walk in and other 'friends' walk out. The company, sometimes known as the "Third Front," has in fact more than thirty fronts. Some of the key figures at the frontline include Shared-Power So-far, Comrade Support-Here, Comrade Oppose-There, TLC-TMC (Tender Loving Care for Traditional Masters at Center) leader, Bahujan Boss, Samajwadi Czar and others. A Bharat woman initiates the discussion by asking Shared-Power So-far about his vision for the bridge.]

Shared-Power So-far (wiping his tears): Oh, sister, my dear sister, what can I say! I am born to build this bridge for you all. Mother Bharat came to me in my dream when I was hardly six years old and told me: 'Son, you build my bridges! And no one else should!' (Sobs and wails and blows his nose.)
The Bharat Woman (offering a handkerchief): Take it easy, Mr Shared-Power; nothing is lost yet!
Shared-Power So-far (stretching the handkerchief by holding its two ends): Oh, sister! I wish you gave me a long rope instead. I could have ended my life here and now! I am a wretched man! I'm in a great moral dilemma!
The Bharat Woman: Why, why this agony? Did you have underworld friends and underhand dealings?
Shared-Power So-far (sobbing): I'm a Congressman! My former boss was born in a foreign land!
The Bharat Woman (puzzled and intrigued): So?
Shared-Power So-far (blowing his nose in the handkerchief): She wants to build your bridge! How could a foreigner build a domestic bridge? When can I ever build a bridge? I'm getting old, sister, I'm getting old.(beats on his chest and faints).

[As the confusion begins to clear up a little, Comrade Support-Here and Comrade Oppose-There step in to stake their claim to build the bridge for Bharat. With their characteristic dislike for criticism and humor, they wear serious faces and share their ideological exegesis.]

Comrade Support-Here: We will not join in the construction of the bridge itself, but we will not obstruct the not-so-destructive forces if they decide to construct it.
Comrade Oppose-There: But we will oppose those forces if they ever come to our neighborhood.
Comrade Support-Here: We will support them only from outside.
Comrade Oppose-There: But we may join hands with them!
Comrade Support-Here: We demand they change their economic policy!
Comrade Oppose-There: Otherwise we will only accept their support and not give them ours!
Comrade Support-Here: We will strongly oppose corruption!
Comrade Oppose-There: And we will firmly support the corrupt!

Scene III

[The Bigoted Jan Parivar Ltd. is trying hard to present a strong case and to win over the contract one more time. Atom Bomb Vijaypayee, the CEO who is often hailed these days as the Light man in the Right company, is sitting with his division managers Rathvani, Jokeshi, Fernandefense, Heckday (aka Heck of a day), and partners Thugeray, KarunaRamnidhi, TDBJPgaru, and a large crowd of one-man company sub-contractors, Vaiko, Ramadoss, Ramamurhty, Paswan, and so forth. A Bharat community elder initiates the conversation.]

A Bharat Elder (looking toward the CEO of the Bigoted Jan Parivar Ltd.): Atomji, why don't you start by saying a few words about your company and your partners.
Atomji (clearing his throat): Ram Ram! Our company is actually a conglomerate of like-minded builders. We are all collectively known as Bigoted-Jan, and this bigotry has brought us all together and strive to build this bridge for you and us. As we know very well, bigotry has been the hallmark of our community's history. (Getting into his poetic mood) We are all the bigoted sons of the bigoted jan! (Turns to see his associates and they all jump to declare their own respective bigotries).
Rathvani: Mandir Wahin Banayenge! Death to Judiciary bolonge!
Jokeshi: Educate to Eradicate! Eradicate Uma Bharathi! Chant Saraswati Vandana and choke those who oppose!
Fernandefense: Condemn Bhagwat! Hate the Socialists!
Heckday (aka Heck of a day): Deve Gowda, where are you? Here is the noose for all of you!
Thugeray: Hate Bangladeshis! Hate Pakistanis! Hate Election Commission! Hate Dilip Kumar! Hate Everyone! Hate Everything! Hate. (Atomji intervenes and instructs everyone to have a shorter list).
KarunaRamnidhi: Now we believe in heaven and hell, Hell suits Jayalalitha very very well!
TDBJPgaru: Hate the Congress, Hate Parvathi! Hate all the sons of my Father-in-Law!
Paswan: Hate Laloo, And Hate Muloo!
Atomji (signaling other bigoted-jan not to continue with more hate declarations, resumes his speech): Oh, the people of Bharat! Can't you see our energy and enthusiasm? With this kind of spirited team, we can build anything we want! Atom bombs, neutron bombs, fission bombs, fusion bombs, vision bombs, mission bombs.
A Bharat Woman: Ram Ram! Atomji, we want you to build a bridge to the future, but you keep talking about bombs and wars!
Atomji (with a patronizing smile): Bahanji, obviously you are a Rambhakt, and you should know what our Sri Ram did to safeguard the future!
Rathvani (unable to control his enthusiasm, screams on top of his voice): He built a bridge! He built a bridge!! He built a bridge across the ocean!!!
A Bharat Elder: Atomji, Sri Ramachandramurthi had a clear blueprint; do you have one?
Atomji (beckons joyfully in his characteristic poetic cheer): Bring it here, my boys! My nukey, nukey boys! All my Tamil Nukey boys! I have monkeys too! I have political monkeys! I have scientist monkeys! I have religious monkeys! How many monkeys do you want? I have Supreme Monkey Sukreev who can supply hundreds of thousands of monkeys and cause a riot in a minute's notice! I have monkeys who build missiles that are hundred times more powerful than the Ramayan-times weapons. Do you need monkeys that cut trees and create chaos? Do you need monkeys that jump from branch to branch, tree to tree, and front to front? Aren't these fellows monkeys? What do they look like? Angels?

[This passionate speech having evoked the true monkey-nature in his company men, they go berserk among the people of Bharat. As the people of Bharat flee for their lives, the monkeys' pursue them with greater vigor. There is mayhem and melee everywhere.]

Curtain!