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10 Alter-Egos of Pramod Mahajan
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1. Imelda Marcos: No, we're not talking about the uncanny resemblance between the two (Imelda is the one without a moustache). We're talking about the huge number of shoes each owns. Only difference is that she bought hers, he received his. She wears them on her feet, he wears them around his neck. Also, he eats his shoes - not like Chaplin (in The Gold Rush), but in a rather desi manner. 
2. Chelsea Clinton: Mahajan has told television interviewers that of Atal Behari Vajpayee and L K Advani, he considers one his father and the other his mother. Obviously then, Vajpayee is like Bill Clinton, and Advani is like Hilary. Advani suffers silently while his 'husband' consorts with harlots like George Fernandes and Ramakrishna Hegde. In private, relations are non-existent, but to the world, they are a loving couple - all so that he can remain in power, biding his time for Life After Bill. No wonder Chelsea looks confused. 
3. Linda Lovelace: Cinemaphiles will recall this woman as the star of the first mainstream pornographic film, Deep Throat. Despite the relaxation of censorship laws since the early 1970s, and the burgeoning porn industry in the USA, poor Ms Lovelace is still hounded across international borders by the American authorities on obscenity charges. The point? What lies in store for Mahajan once India's first mainstream pornographic film, The BJP-led Government, reaches the end of its final reel. 
4. One of the stones in the Great Wall of China: Chinese people very angry. Mahajan say India bomb for China. Mahajan say Chinese people thieves. Ancient Chinese proverb: People living in glass houses shouldn't get stoned. Ancient Chinese curse: Your ass is grass, boy. Ancient Chinese torture : To repeat history. In Indian history, Mahajan's favourite ruler, Aurangzeb, bricked the children of his enemy inside a wall. Mahajan open his mouth again, and find himself in a wall somewhere near Mongolia. 
5. The Abominable Snowman: Both the Yeti and he have that cramped way of walking that indicates either that they are trying to hold it back or that they are trying to force it out. In Mahajan's case, it may be both, since he is acknowledged to be suffering from constipation of the mind and diarrhea of the mouth. The Yeti lives in a cave, venturing out into blinding blizzards to ensnarl the unsuspecting mountaineer. Mahajan lives in a cave, venturing out in electoral whirlwinds to ensnarl the unsuspecting voter. 
6. Martina Navrotilova: Mahajan flexes his political muscle the way Martina flexed her overdeveloped sinews. It was (and is) ugly. Martina's was an abuse of the human body; Mahajan's is an abuse of the body politic. However, she was a great tennis player who has carved a niche for herself in the sport's memory. He is just a great big player whose pecuniary misdeeds are bound to carve a niche for him in the nation's criminal history. 
7. Linda Tripp: A friend in need is a friend indeed. Or, as we would say in Hindi, Dost ho to aisa. Mahajan drips reliability and trustworthiness the way Tripp did after tape-recording and then releasing to the public all of Monica's confidences. Also, like Tripp, who occasionally mistaken for Jabba the Hutt, Mahajan has been often mistaken for The Loch Ness Monster, a strange creature who rears its long neck and head from the murky waters during foggy days of low visibility.
8. Eva Braun: Like her, Mahajan has a slobbering penchant for men with only one testicle. Which makes perfect sense, since Vajpayee, Advani, and the rest of the RSS-BJP-VHP-Bajrang Dal crowd have only one ball between them all. 
9. The iceberg that sunk the Titanic: Needless to say, the National Democratic Alliance has begun to resemble the ill-fated luxury liner more and more as the days wear on. With his perpetual foot-in-mouth disease (it's a wonder he doesn't suffer from Athlete's tongue), this blockhead has positioned himself as the big block of ice with which the Titanic suffered its fatal collision. 
10. Golda Meir: Arguably the ugliest politician the world has seen. Her ugliness was, however, on the outside. His is on the inside and far, far worse - a vile, cancerous, putrid decay. Jaal's main fear is that it is poisoning his fellow citizens, making them a hateful and short-sighted lot. |
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