And now for the Fair Game awards for the India-Pakistan series:

Quote of the series: "You are like my son": Uma Bharti after "pecking" Anil Kumble on the cheek.

Blush of the Series Award: Anil Kumble, after the above-mentioned peck.

Mush of the Series Award: Outlook magazine, for shamelessly setting up a photo-op of spastic kids posing with the Pakistani cricketers. My, what a lovely cover!

Hometown Hero of the Series Award: Umpire AV Jayprakash. Anil Kumble had to just turn around and barely open his mouth when that finger would shoot up. All ten came from his Jayprakash's end. Both are from Bangalore.

Disappearing Trick of the Series Award (I): For the DDCA officials who went underground on the eve of the Delhi Test fearing demands for passes.

Disappearing Trick of the Series Award (II): The ball with which Kumble took his "Perfect Ten". It appeared late in the evening from Venkatesh Prasad's kitbag!

Dumb Question of the Series Award: TV anchor to Kumble: "Do you think now that you have achieved this record you too will become a pin-up boy like some of the batsmen?" Who cares?!

'What's in a Name?' of the Series Award (I): Outlook again. ICC match referee Cammie Smith is transformed into "Connie Smits"! Perhaps there was some confusion with the pop singer of the 50s and 60s, Connie Francis.

'What's in a Name?' of the Series Award (II): Saqlain Mushtaq, better known as "Saqqy". As in wicket-keeper Moin Khan's exhortation to him after every delivery: "Come on, Saqqy, Saqqy". Did he get the line from Bill Clinton?

Snake in the Grass of the Series Award (I): The one's that were supposed to be released in Test venues by the Shiv Sena.

Snake in the Grass of the Series Award (II): Bal, the Paper Tiger.

Crowd of the Series Award: Chennai's spectators, of course.

Boors of the Series Award: Delhi's spectators, of course.

Diplomat of the Series Award: No, not Pakistan manager Shahryar Khan. It goes to ICC Referee Cammie Smith. He gave the Man of the Match award for the first Test to Sachin Tendulkar, despite Saqlain's 10 wickets in the match. And he gave the Man of the Series award to Saqlain (20 wickets in the series) rather than to Anil "Perfect Ten" Kumble (21 wickets in the series).

Grounds for Appeal of the Series Award: To umpire Steve Dunne for giving Saurav Ganguly out after the ball went off a fielder's foot and then the ground before being "caught" by Moin Khan.

Double Standards of the Series Award: To Moin Khan, for calling Venkatesh Prasad a cheat.

Strepsils' Voice of the Series Award: To Moin Khan again. He had a loud comment after every ball bowled by a Pakistani bowler in the series.

Stroke of the Series Award: Numerous, by Sachin Tendulkar during his Chennai century.

Drink of the Series Award: Pepsi or Coke? Pepsi sponsored the series; Anil 'Coke' Kumble takes the honours.

Ball of the Series Award: All ten by Anil Kumble at the Kotla.

Fall of the Series Award: Opener Saeed "I want to get a triple century against India" Anwar. He ended up with one 50.

Newcomer of the Series Award: S Ramesh, finally an authentic opener for India.

Old Man of the Series Award: Salim Malik. Definitely time to say goodbye to cricket.

Image of the Series Award (I): Wasim Akram embracing Anil Kumble at the Kotla.

Image of the Series Award (II): Akram again, this stuffing a piece of cake down LK Advani's throat at one of the numerous functions.

Winner of the Series Award: The game itself.

Loser of the Series Award: Bal, the Paper Tiger. Boo to you.

Illustrations by Siddhartha Mitra