But you can't keep a good woman down for long, and Sushmaji found her moments of glory as part of a 25-strong delegation of Parliamentarians, led by veteran Congressi Balram Jakhar, on a goodwill trip to Pakistan. It was the first such trip by a group of Indian lawmakers - comprising veterans such as Arif Mohd Khan, Basudev Acharia and Ajit Panja -- but Sushmaji's antics managed to turn the visit into something reminiscent of a Ramsey brothers film (without the special effects).

The trip began in Islamabad, and was kicked off with a seminar on improving Indo-Pak relations. Sushmaji was apparently desperate to address the audience - no surprises what a Muslim-baiter like here would have to say - but was denied a chance by the organisers. She took her revenge the next day.

Former Pakistani Premier Benazir Bhutto chaired the session on the second day, and Sushmaji found the troublesome Congressi Madhavsinh Solanki sitting between her and BB. So she made it a point to repeatedly lean across Solanki to chat with BB, and make it appear that the two ladies were pals. Well, even Solanki got tired of being bumped by Sushmaji's endowments, and he decided to quit his seat (sorry, chair).

Sushmaji promptly slid her big bottom in it, leaned towards her buddy BB and smiled for the furiously clicking cameras, even as Bhutto was denouncing India for not having yet signed the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. Not only that, BB got up and left as soon as her piece was done, and Sushmaji, much to the dismay of the organisers and the disbelief of her fellow legislators, quickly took charge of the session.

Well, it was no big deal, and the MPs looked to their bus trip from Islamabad to Lahore, scheduled for February 14. The bus was to leave in the morning, and as per schedule, all of the MPs boarded by 9:30 a.m., only to be told to hang on; there was a delay.

Ninety minutes later, the son of the Pakistani information and broadcasting minister Mushahid Hussain showed up with a cake and wished Sushmaji a very happy birthday. Her fellow MPs were stunned with surprise. They had no idea it was her birthday; how did he?

Anyway, 90 minutes is a long time for VIPs to wait, and they were pretty pissed. The bus started to move, and it was assumed that, ah, Lahore would soon be theirs. But alas! The bus was diverted to a village, where stood a temple. What are we doing here? the MPs wondered. But not for long: a crowd stood at the temple, and as soon as the bus rolled in, it shouted three cheers to Sushma Swaraj.

The MPs were bewildered. Who were these Pakistanis? And why were they cheering, of all people, Sushma Swaraj? It turned out that it was a delegation from Amritsar who happened to be in Pakistan in connection with a cultural function. India's ambassador to Pakistan had apparently synchronised the Amritsar crowd to be at the temple at that moment. His arrangements were on instructions from Sushmaji, who barefacedly told him the delegation was keen on visiting the temple! This was news to the lawmakers.

Naturally, the temple diversion entailed another delay, but this was not to be the last stop before their destination. When the bus reached Lahore, it stopped in front of a building where they were invited to witness the colourful display of kites in the sky as part of the ongoing basant festival.

Some of the MPs were tired and refused to get off the bus. Those who did found they had to climb three flights of stairs. At the top of the building, lo and behold - there was another cake for Sushmaji!! Somehow no one was surprised; one MP asked how many more cakes were planned for the rest of the trip.

While Sushmaji was stuffing the cake in her face (we know where all those calories go - straight to her gloriously monumental butt), an MP decided yenuff was yenuff. He and the others got back on the bus and departed, leaving Sushmaji behind (no pun intended)!

How mean! As a consequence, she did not participate in any of the programmes in Lahore. Leaving the legislators to wonder - was she sulking, was she visiting more temples, or was she having her cake and eating it too?