Our economy too is in a state of collapse. Foreign exchange inflows have dropped dramatically ever since Nawaz Sharif threatened to crack down on Pakistani cricketers accepting money to throw matches. We did our best to help here too, by selling sugar to the foolish Indians and using the dollar revenues to prepare for the Kargil war. But once the Prime Minister discovered that this was a surefire route to easy money, he wanted to reserve it for his family's companies. The Army was being marginalised in every area.
Nawaz Sharif's policies were all self-serving and have rocked the very foundation of the Federation of Pakistan. So we have decided to remove that foundation. Inshallah, no Government will ever be able to threaten it again.
The armed forces have been facing incessant public clamour to remedy the fast declining situation from all sides of the political divide. It is true that one politician remarked snidely that we have to do SOMETHING to earn our huge salaries and perks, but I am told he was distraught when he made the remark. I have decided to forgive him and give him a mere 10 years in prison; he may even retain his head during that period.

I have constantly been conveying my concerns about Pakistan to the Prime Minister, but it is apparent that they were never taken in the right spirit. Instead Nawaz Sharif kept harping on introducing the Sharia, which would have cut off the Army from the right spirit, our burra pegs - that was unacceptable.
My concern has always been the well being of our country. This has been the sole reason that the army willingly offered its services for nation building tasks, the results of which have already been fudged by us…er I mean judged by you.

Despite all my advice, the Government tried to interfere with the armed forces, the last remaining viable institution in which all you take so much pride, and look up to, at all times, for the stability, unity and integrity of our beloved country…or what remains of our beloved country, after we lost Bangladesh, and what remains of our pride, after four wars with India.
I believe Nawaz Sharif had decided to get rid of me. Why else would he send me to Sri Lanka? I have reliable information that his Government had even tried to hire a human bomb, but was too bankrupt to afford one. So they risked the lives of numerous passengers by trying to divert our flight outside Pakistan. At this point, I want to strongly condemn reports in a section of the press that there was no conspiracy - and that the whole episode was just another routine incident in the chaotic handling of flights in our country. This was an attempt on my life - after all I was forced to fly PIA. Thanks be to Allah, this evil design was thwarted through speedy army action.

I do not wish to make a lengthy policy statement at this point. In fact, I do not wish to make even a brief policy statement, as I have no policy in mind yet. After all, there is no policy in the army - I command, and my orders are carried out. For the moment, I only wish to assure you that the situation in the country is stable, calm, and under control. Let no outside forces think they can take advantage of the prevailing situation. That is solely our prerogative.
Dear brothers and sisters, your armed forces have never and shall never let you down, Inshallah. True, we lost 4 wars and half the country, and some will see that as letting the country down. But we in the army believe in the lean-and-mean look. The less territory we have, the easier it is to govern. But politicians have trouble grasping even such simple facts.

Finally, I request you all to remain calm and support your army in our dream for a prosperous future for Pakistan. To all citizens worried about their future, I say, Dream on…
May Allah guide us on the path of truth and honour. Allah Hafiz. Pakistan Paindabad…er, I think my steno meant Zindabad - but it doesn't matter. I was told no one would watch this long.