We want him back! No, not Subhash Chandra Bose -- not even Elvis. We want the return of someone dearer to Jaal than even advertising revenues. Who, you may ask. Who indeed!
We're talking of the raison d'ętre for Jaal. We're talking of the man who inspired us to put out crap on a fortnightly basis (that's right, we hold it in for 13 days longer than most normal folks). We're talking of L K Advani's role model. That's right, we're talking of the ex-ISI chief, Lt Gen Khwaja Ziauddin Butt (we finally discovered his full name).
All you netizens have to sympathise with the guy. After all, he was not a real soldier, he was just an engineer! So what if he was a hardware nerd. And now the poor geek faces a beheading, or some other anachronistic Islamic execution - just because he was a loyal neighbour! So he lived near former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif - you can't blame a guy for where he lives. After all, you can pick your friends, but not your relatives, neighbours or nose!
I tell you, I feel sorry for the chump. He was Chief of Army Staff for just about two hours. All that he enjoyed was the pinning of medallions by Sharif, and the one order as army chief - not to let his sacked predecessor's airplane land. And even that one order was disobeyed! What terrible times we live in.
Obviously, Ziauddin should have taken a leaf from the history books, and had some exploding mangoes placed on Musharraf's plane. Let's face it, Pakistanis are not the ruthless bastards of yore. They've gotten soft. Gone are the days when they would kill Zia-ul Haq and blame it on the RAW.
To add insult to injury, the RAW chief is enjoying his counterpart's discomfort (to put it mildly). He was seen laughing uproariously, and talking of even sending a condolence telegram to Ziauddin. I tell you. Is there no sense of fair play, decency or even camaraderie between the chiefs of rival intelligence agencies? Whither chivalry and gallantry? This is simply not cricket! (If it were, India would lose).
Well, enough is enough. Injustice after injustice is being meted out, and Jaal will no longer stand for it. We demand that Ziauddin be released from "protective custody". We demand that he be reinstated as ISI chief. We demand that his face be tattooed on the chest of every terrorist. Wait - instead, we take that back and demand that it be tattooed on the left buttock of every terrorist instead. We would suggest the Jaal logo be tattooed on the right one, but then that would be superfluous - Ziauddin is publicity enough. Also, it would get us into trouble.
Pervez Musharraf be warned: If our demands are not met, then you will be in big trouble. Everytime you visit a foreign country or receive a foreign dignitary, you will look over your shoulder in apprehension and fear. You will not be able to go out alone at night. You will be in constant dread of your next squash opponent. You will wonder about the origin of your next kalmi kabab. Yes, you will become the next Jaal mascot.