AKA The ICE ICE Baby
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The New Kid On The Block AKA The ICE ICE Baby |
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To test this insight I rushed to the Ganga Ram Hospital, where, as the newspaper put it, a "bonny boy" had been born to "Mom Priyanka". A man with a machine gun slunk across his chest stopped me at the gate. "Where to?" he asked murderously. I pointed inside. At that moment, a couple came rushing up, a man dragging a woman badly lurching. You could see the whites of her eyes. The gunman blocked the way. The man, panting, beseeched him: "One Gandhi is born here, by god. So will my son, by god, who is kicking inside my dear wife's belly. Please." The gunman let them go. Seizing the moment, I told him, "I am the mamaji ( maternal uncle) of the child." He let me go, too. En route to the pregnancy ward, I met a doctor rushing by. It was Dr BK Rao, joint secretary of the board that managed the hospital. A year ago, I had interviewed him on hospital waste. He had vehemently denied that syringes used in the hospital ended up in adjacent medical shops, and that bloodied cotton wads made good stuffing for mattresses. Fatter than he was last year, his eyes lit up in alarm as I caught his arm. "Not now," he said. "Hang on," I said. "What?" he said irritably. "Either you tell me what's happening, or I'll go check your bins." He pooped, right there. The stuffing went out of him. "Look," he said. "This is not a baby. This is a historical baggage. The baggage is much heavier than he is. It's not human. Its an icon. More importantly, my hospital needs business. We are going to launch a PPS, or Priyanka Pregnancy Scheme, in which the birth of a son however weak is guaranteed irrespective of any complications. Open only to Global Aeducated Indians."  "You mean there were complications?" I asked him."Of course!" he said. "Why go for a caesarean? A premature baby that weighs only 2.67 kg, and I have to call it "bonny"! Hopefully he will live. But why so much pressure on him before he gains his senses?" I nodded. He carried on. "Now I will apply to a hospital in the US. The India Association will welcome me with open arms. Thank you, baby." We parted. Moving on, I crashed into a man. It was hurtful. My ribcage singing, I collected myself. "The dynasty lives!" my crasher informed me, ecstatically. "We are rejuvenated!" I decided to drop the idea of visiting the new Mother. Walking out I met Atul Tarneja, in a white kurta with a saffron sash around his neck. He smiled at me. "We are most concerned, " he said rubbing his hands. "This baby must live. He is like us, but then he is unlike us. He will prove we are different." I ran. I passed astrologers chanting: What is Bush Who is Gore Our king is born at 4:04 I went away feeling sorry for this animal that had been born unable to defend itself. Human babies are the most inefficient babies in the animal kingdom. This one, this underweight little being, is already caught in things he cannot know, nor ever fathom. He doesn't know that Global Aeducated Indians are celebrating him. I hope when he gains his senses the first thing he will do is duck politics. I hope he will live his life, his own unique one. I know, I have a feeling, he is already caught. Trapped. Chained. Fettered. He has to provide service, like Global Aeducated Indians. RECENTLY ON JAAL: A Tale Of The Jungle King The Secret Autonomy Report Report When Batsman Became Betsman India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji Pratap Pandey is an academic SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: |
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