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The World Is Not Enough
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 Apocalypse Now! Armageddon It! Dire forebodings fill available newspaper/magazine columns these days predicting that India is about to be handed over on a platter to foreign bodies, unfortunately not even of the J Lo variety. This worried us and we engaged in a mini fact-finding mission to, well, find facts. Here is a summary of the comprehensive report that will probably be published by D-Day.As usual, this is part of the public service campaign we voluntarily (nobody ever asks us) undertake. We sincerely believe that leaders in Government and pretenders waiting on the sidelines will give serious thought to this presentation. Recent wisdom has it that the takeover bid commenced a couple of decades ago with the arrival of Coke followed by Pepsi. Now it is said that with the vigorous marketing of events like Valentine's Day, Father's Day, Grandma's Day, Grandpa's Day, The Next Door Neighbour's Pet Chihuahua's Day, et al ad nauseam, the cultural bombardment has intensified. Monsanto, Cargill (that's the correct spelling for another source of intrusion) and other giants are at the threshold which has already been crossed by the pharmaceuticals' majors prescribing minor wonder drugs like Viagra, which, of course, is so very essential since our country faces a procreative problem. Obviously no one has checked the recent census figures. Another alarming pointer is that the words, IMF or World Bank, no longer inflame passions of Indians with a civilization dating back 5000 years or more. We would like to say emphatically "this is not the end". And you may ask "why not?". For starters, the ongoing headcount aka Census 2001, will put the number of Indians of the desi variety anywhere between one thousand million and one thousand five hundred million. Next, don't you remember the Brits just ran away in the middle of the last century? That was because they knew all along that our blessed India is ungovernable. Now try calling them back and see whether Lord Swaraj Paul and his ilk will advise Her Majesty to return to Lutyen's present monstrocity! Next try George W Bush, Jr. either at the White House or at Camp David, if he would enter Bharat in the wake of the soda poppers, Kelloggs, Monsanto or MTV. Even the India Caucus would prefer to perform from Washington, DC rather than North Block, ND. You may just try next the venerable Li Peng if he would add our billion to his billion and he would say with alacrity "#$%^&*" that roughly translates from the original Cantonese or Mandarin or whatever into "No Thanks!". Vladimir Putin would respond with a vodka-fuelled "Nyet". Jacques Chirac may smile and yet say "Non, merci beaucoup". Schroeder will bark back a "danke schon". Even Musharaffbhai has his hands full without us! It seems he said it is one thing to support the LeT, HuM, etc., but another pyala of chai altogether to annex these fellows. Try the Martians! RECENTLY ON JAAL: Back To Squire One Poll Gita Where There's A Bill, There's A Wait DotComs, By The Numbers GoI-ing After Veerappan The Bore-Gush Race Hack Attack! Eee! Governance! Justice Unbound Small States, Large Stakes Con Banega Crorepati Salesman No. 1 Cat And Meows 25 Years After Paswan Goes DOTty Child's Play Toilet Paper Drought And About Boer Boar The Joke's On You The Coming Of Bill T Kannan SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: ?
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