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In Which Max Martin Gives Those Ones About The Damn Dam |
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With a flourish, Padvi signed on his verdict with a huge hornbill feather, specially brought for the purpose from the Silent Valley. Thus, after a decade of controversy and heated debate over newspapers, relay drum beats, smoke signals and Cannes film festival asides, it was curtains for the great Raisina Dam controversy. The Court of the Tribes showed guts to give the green signal to a giant project for the "greater common good". Finally, much to the relief of all people who love greenery and watershed, the entire Raisina Hill valley, upto the South Delhi ridge will be flooded to make a giant reservoir. The reservoir, the largest of its kind in the country, will irrigate the parched up north Delhi ridge and make it a natural habitat for Delhi's local fauna, including wolves in sheep's clothing, watchdogs, lapdogs and assorted foxes. The inhabitants of the area, half of them VIPs, will get the best ever and healthiest rehabilitation package offered in India. They will be herded off in special crowded DTC buses, and sent to dense forests along the Vindhyas. The air of the Vindhyas is supposed cure the inflammation of lungs and inflation of egos caused by Delhi's pollution and power. The VIPs and their supporters had protested, but principle of eminent domain prevailed. So they lost their case. Artificial forests and hills were made in some of their Bungalow lawns to accommodate tribal survey officials.  A section of Archeologists had also opposed the move, citing the historical value of certain buildings surrounding the proposed dam area. However another section of "desi" archeologists supported the damming move of the Tribal lobby, on the grounds that the monuments in Delhi were actually built by foreign invaders over layers of ancient culture. Quoting ancient texts, they argued that water would purify all those foreign influence over our culture.However, jaalmag.com, a cyber gadfly, reported that the desi archeologist agreed to the water formula as a last resort. Delhi Fire Service and the green lobby had ruled out the fire solution on environmental and safety grounds and the municipal authorities had refused to send bulldozers on account of rising petrol and diesel prices. The decision of the Court of the Tribes was welcomed across the hills, valleys and riverine islands of the country. A special group of rap and salsa performers was brought from Delhi to the Narmada valley as part of the celebrations. Pimple-faced tribal teenagers gaped at the MTV-inspired, tank-top clad Delhi girls gyrating to the tune of Bacardi jingle. "That's Delhi belly, a clear sign of malnutrition caused by junk food and cola," one conscientious boy told his leering colleague. Meanwhile, many of Delhi's NGOs, which had so far opposed the dam, and managed annual foreign junkets to present their case, now suddenly found themselves out of a job. Some of the NGOs now sprang into action, displaying their survival skills, floating on the rising flood waters singing praise for the tribal culture. One NGO got the contract to make energy from the excreta of the wild animals left in the Delhi ridge, despite warning from international consultants. The consultants claim that the waste will be of low quality as there will be no bullshit after all the VIPs go. But the NGO leaders took the tribal leaders for a foreign jaunt and now-out -of-job political correspondents offered some spin doctoring to reverse the expert decision. On the whole everybody looked happy. The last remaining protestors were a group of hardboiled development journalists, who protested the inundation of the Press Club, an institution with fixtures dating back to the stone age. The Court of the Tribes directed the municipal authorities to dismantle the club brick by brick, re-construct it in Purana Qila strictly following the Vastu guidelines and ply it with liberal supply of heady local brew from the Vindhya. Everybody was happy. Peace and prosperity prevailed in India. RECENTLY ON JAAL: A Weak-Kneed Operation Faster, Higher, Stranger You Have The Right To Be A Volunteer The ICE ICE Baby A Tale Of The Jungle King The Secret Autonomy Report Report When Batsman Became Betsman India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji Max Martin is a development analyst SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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