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The A 2 Z.... Of Y2K |
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A is for Ayodhya: The neverending story, that gets repeated come December 6 and forgotten otherwise. Now the RSS would have us believe that the demolition of the Babri Masjid was RAW work, the result of a bomb. That's only made the matter more explosive. The Prime Minister keeps quoting and unquoting himself and his NDA allies keep NAGging him. B is for Bookies: Those who've made cricket the game it is today. From Cronje to Azharuddin to Jadeja, you can be that this stink will only spread, till someone actually gets about fumigating the BCCI. C is for Ceasefire: Various announcement, pertaining to Kashmir, from the PM and the Hizb. More importantly for the former, he'd be hoping for amicable ceasefire agreements with the RSS and his allies in the Government. D is for DotComs: The flavour of early 2000 that soon turned bitter. Everyone and their pet chihuahua set up an online presence. Geeks were cool, jargon was kewl. Etailing was the revolution waiting to happen but it spun out of control. Like every self-respecting bubble, this too burst, quicker than you can say WAP. E is for e-: That darn prefix that's added to e-verything, organic or inorganic, making for a gigantic e-pain. E-yuck! F is for Famine: Floods, cyclones and other natural calamities. "Natural" since it's taken our politicians and other leaders decades to bring the situation to such a pass, that such disasters appear par for the course. G is for Gandhi: Sonia, Menaka, Priyanka, Varun, not that passe Mahatma. Sonia spent the year trying to figure out the Italian for "Jitendra Prasada is a pain", Menaka spent it being kind to our dumb chums (not her fellow pols but animals, actually other animals), Priyanka delivered a child and Varun did verse. H is for Hrithik Roshan: The new hearthtrob, now happily married to Suzanne Khan, though not expected to honeymoon in Kathmandu. Started the starson parade. Also left behind was bevy of smoked hams, Salman and Shahrukh Khan and Gonvinda, trying to save their bacon. I for for IT: Income Tax or Infotech, either way it's about funny money. The Income Tax Department conducted Operation Gentleman but somehow haven't gotten around to politicians or bureaucrats. And, in 2000, software meant a whole lot more than Aishwarya Rai. J is for Jagmohan and Jethmalani: The demolition men. While the former at least attempted the right thing, the latter made news for the wrong reasons. K is for Kandahar: The hijacking and after and dafter. When a Cabinet Minister escorts terrorists to freedom. A low point, almost as low as the ability shown by the Government in combatting extremism. L is for Laxman: Bangaru bhai or bidda? The dalit face of the new BJP. Unfortunately, the new BJP may have switched masks, but the features remain the same. Bangaru may offer an olive branch to the minorities, but when the goonda paltan of the party uses it to beat them over the head with it, it's back to ek dhakka aur do.  M is for Miss Universe, Miss World, Miss Asia-Pacific, Miss…: The pageant titlists. Don't ever say they were fixed by MNCs trying to exploit the beauty market by creating one. But even as the winners seemed to compete for the crowns of dumb and dumber, the barrage of overhype left everyone numb and number.N is for Narmada: That damn dam. The lifeline of Gujarat goes the official propaganda. Now if only the thousands of tribals being displaced were offered four choices. O is for Olympics: Where India almost managed to maintain its tradition of getting the big O but for Karnam Malleshwari. No problem, though, the officials who made up most of the mammoth contingent, got to make whopee. P is for Priyanka: Gandhi or Chopra, take your pick. Or shovel. If the former birthed Rehan and gave the dynasty an heir-raising experience, the later wore a crown. Miss World, however, has thrown India's census-takers into a tizzy by proclaiming that the country's population is 2 billion. Q is for Qashmir: Right, that's wrong but this mistake is tiny compared with the whoppers the leadership on either side of the divide and in between, has made in messing up the Valley. R is for the RSS: Which wants a ban on pageants, birthday cakes, Valentine's Day, honeymoons, population control, New Year's eve parties, anything else that can be remotely construed as fun, Christians, Muslims, non-Hindi speakers, and everything else unIndian. Also, the nuclear family barring the one that the RSS itself heads - the Sangh Parivar. S is for Sachin and Saurav: Two men with back trouble from having to carry the weight of the Indian team. T is for Tamil Nadu: And Karnataka. They have spent crores of rupees in not capturing one brigand. The Raj Kumar kidnap/ Veerappan saga stretched on and on. Now all Veerappan has to do is join politics and he will be in the right jungle. U is for UP: With its Chief Minister who showed that being two paise short of senility does not bar one from high political office, and his successor who has ignored minor issues such as corruption, maladministration, anarchy, illiteracy and poverty to dwell upon important matters like banning beauty contests. V is for Vishwanathan Anand: Check, mate! Made the right moves to end the year on the right note. Now, all he has to do is beat Kramnik, Kasparov and Karpov. W is for Women's ill: Our political parties, hogged by men, have great reservations over enacting legislation that may actually change the country's polity - for the better. X is for Crosses: Borne and burnt. Y is for Y2K: January I, 2000, was to be doomsday. But the bug didn't even cause a sniffle. Only the doomsayers cashed in with billions of dollars worth of worthless fixes. Z is for Zee TV: Zzzzz TV more like, the way it's gone. Even attempts at rejuvenating it with Sawaal Dus Crore Ka failed. As for SDCK, it marks the trend initiated by Kaun Banega Crorepati. The marker for the new millennium? Celebrate greed. RECENTLY ON JAAL: What's Behind Bush? The Florida Ceasefire The Damn Dam Controversy A Weak-Kneed Operation Faster, Higher, Stranger You Have The Right To Be A Volunteer The ICE ICE Baby A Tale Of The Jungle King The Secret Autonomy Report Report When Batsman Became Betsman India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji Al-Faridi Gnuman spent 2000 mostly in a haze due to a searing platonic relationship with a Three-Toed Sloth SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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