Emphatic wins over Bangladesh and Zimbabwe, and we must be justly proud of the resurgent Indian cricket team. Time for celebration. But we must never overlook the stellar contribution of our cricket administrators in facilitating this achievement.
Recently, on of our writers, who actually earns a living as a waiter since we never pay anyone, was a privileged witness to a meeting of the Board for Control of Cricket in India while serving chai and snakes. After washing the dishes, he filed this illuminative report of the proceedings:
Official I: This room is filthy. Ask someone to sweep all the dirt under the carpet.
Official 2: Not possible, there's too much dirt. We could appoint a committee to look into the matter. The committee can release a report in about a year noting that there's no dirt and then we'll announce that the place is sanitised.
Official 3: Of course, what a brilliant idea. But we'll need someone who's a good judge of such matters. Now that we've dealt with that problem, we should turn our attention to this pesky CBI report. It's s bulky that we cannot even sweep it under the carpet.
Official I: We could vacuum it. After all, nothing exists in a vacuum. Or, otherwise, we'll just have that looked into as well. We'll just keep investigating till everyone forgets about it.
Official 2: Okay, other issues on the agenda. Now that India has won two Test matches, perhaps people will stop blaming us for ruining….sorry… running the game in the country. We must take urgent measures to prevent that.
Official 3: Like improving the quality of pitches, investing more into domestic cricket, getting better coaches?
Official 2 (shocked): Are you off your mind? If we spend all that money on such frivolous pursuits, what'll we have left for our expense accounts! No, there are other avenues to explore. See, we won our first overseas Test match in a decade in Dhaka. We must maintain the momentum.
Official 3: How?
Official 2: Simple. It's time for us to press the ICC to give Test status to Nepal and Bhutan. If we start now, they should be playing international cricket within four or five years and our team can record convincing victories in Kathmandu and Thimpu.
Official I: Excellent suggestion. We must ensure that this plan is implemented immediately. Now moving on to the next item, you'll see that the selection committee has bee amiss in not granting enough berths in the national squad, as per the mandatory quota system, to every zone. This is unfair. For instance, my wife's cousin's next door neighbour's nephew was rejected on some flimsy ground.
Official 2: That's terrible. What happened?
Official I: They said that the zonal quota could not be met because they were trying to select the team on merit. What cheek! When I called them again, they said that he couldn't be chosen because he can neither bowl nor bat nor field. They're getting uppity since such considerations haven't mattered before. I told them that he was thus eligible to fill the all-rounder's slot. But they wouldn't listen.
Official 3: That's awful. We must tell the selectors that we appoint them and pay their salaries. They must meet our requirements. Now what about this tour to Pakistan?
Official 2: The Government is making some excuse about cross-border terrorism. We keep telling them to keep politics out of sports, especially the Sports Minister out of interfering in cricket, but they're adamant.
Official 3: Don't they understand that we must maintain people-to-people contact. More important, an Indo-Pak series will really bring in the moolah. Why let little things like security and diplomatic considerations come in the way. This decision will strike at the very root of Indian cricket. They could stop us from playing in Sharjah, and Dubai and Toronto and Singapore. How will we spread the gospel of cricket, that greed in good.
Official 2: No, we must take proactive measures. We could elect some of the politicians to the BCCI. That'll help.
Official I: Good idea, but won't the media complain about non-cricketers running the game?
Official 2: Bah! Has that made a difference till now? Okay, so all pending issues have been dealt with. We'll adjourn, till next time.

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