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Of Piety, Pitfalls And Pitstops In A Dip Into The Kumbh |
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You see things you wouldn't tell your mother; you hear things that are a tympanic offence; you smell the dank, hashed-out fug of lives in a state of protracted waiting for salvation. When you hit the Kumbh and settle in, spending the days - and nights - among the sadhus and the kalpavasis and the confidence tricksters, you are witness to things that never make the media. The Juna Naga with his right arm stuck upwards for the past six years - certainly an orthopaedic condition, not pious self-mortification - getting a rub down by two giggly, vacuous white women he has literally summoned off the streets. The only covering this Naga baba has is a caking of ash - if this flake's not tumescent, it's only because he has been chuffing on ganja since the sun went up and the blood's gone to his head, not southwards. Another Naga baba at the Juna akhara, who has (apparently) been standing for the past nine years, is said to do everything, ingesting and vacating, while vertical. I'm determined to find out how, so I spend the night outside his tent, within the akhara campus. At about 3 am, he is helped out by an acolyte to the communal shit pit, where he spends the next two hours, squatting, taking a break.  But this reworking of self and reality outside the public eye is hardly the sole prerogative of the Indian sadhus - the urge to con, using faith as an accomplice, is universal. Baba Shiv Parmatma (sic) and his blonde wife, both Swiss, make an impressive couple: both have Nordic builds, idealised in religious Hindu calendar art, soft grey eyes, and are dressed ornately as if ready to shoot for a Bollywood Mahabharat. He says that he is the incarnation of Shiva, his wife of Parvati. To underscore the point, he grips a huge trident made of solid gold - how much the thing cost, and how it got through customs, is anyone's guess. There's not an inch of piety or penance in their carcasses.You could probably count on five fingers the acreage of piety and penance at this most humongous gathering of the faithful in the world - and they do not belong in the sadhus' campuses. It's also the best human interest photo op in the world, one that will not recur for the next 144 years. By then, god knows what shape faith will have taken, the form and content of the art of making patsies. But one thing is certain - you won't be around to make note of it: by not being at the Maha Kumbh this time, you've missed the biggest lesson in learning in the world. RECENTLY ON JAAL: Hype Hype Hurray The A 2 Z Of Y2K What's Behind Bush? The Florida Ceasefire The Damn Dam Controversy A Weak-Kneed Operation Faster, Higher, Stranger You Have The Right To Be A Volunteer The ICE ICE Baby A Tale Of The Jungle King The Secret Autonomy Report Report When Batsman Became Betsman India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji Kajal Basu is the Executive Editor of Tehelka SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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