By Da Bull

Strangely enough lots of people have told me that rather than just restrict the Kashmir solution to cricket we include a whole lot of other games and have an Indo-Pak Olympics. Besides garnering more revenues through television and merchandising it would keep the generals and the politicos a lot busier, with all the ribbon cutting and handing of medals and all that.
Of course the real challenge has been that since we are world class in cricket alone, what other games can we compete in. Hockey is rejected because the Koreans in the Asian Games thrash both India and Pakistan. Suggestions have come in for more innovative sports though which both countries excel in.
1.Obstacle Race - Not your run of the mill obstacle race this one has 5 MNC's trying to get permission to set shop in India without the use of "Facilitation fees". This is the ultimate test of patience, fortitude and temperament. Of course it also keeps the large number of government employees in both countries busy
2.Seven Wonders - This involves our kurta clad and their Sherwani clad, fed on religious opium, masses being given unlimited supply of paan. Then they are made to stand on opposite sides of the Taj Mahal (international event means more revenues) and thru spitting alone each team tries to redden the pristine Taj. If India wins the BJP can install the Shiv Murti to show that temple existed there and if Pakistan wins then it can take the Taj Mahal back to the land of the Mughals where it "really" belongs.
3.Demolition Man - this involves taking the most corrupt politician on our side and the most corrupt one on their side (selecting the contestant will be just as much fun as the event itself). Then you give each one of them a city and see who makes more money and leaves the city in a greater mess than he/she found it in a year's time.
4.Spin a Yarn - the politicos from both sides are allowed to make the wildest promises and accusations that they can concoct against the other side. Of course this is held in a GD format so that we can witness some amount of tag team violence as well. The genre of fantasy literature could be taken to a new height from the transcripts of these sessions.
5.Democracy - This involves Indians who support Kashmiris and Pakistanis who support the Kashmiris entering a building guarded by security personnel. After they manage to enter they have to stamp the votes lying there and fill the ballot boxes. The team that accomplishes this feat the fastest then gets to loot the state of Kashmir and oppress the Kashmiris for five years and then of course there is another round of Democracy.
Hobbes points out that it will be impossible to have rules for these events since our politicians and masses do not believe in following them. Further more he says that unfortunately Cowboy Bush has no clue how to play these ancient sports, which reflect thousands of years of culture and civilization. Which means that there is no match referee. He can't believe that an event of such mammoth proportions can ever be executed successfully. Moz wants us to return to the days of yore when sport was about playing the game and not about winning or losing? And I say "Sab Maya Hai"




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