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Pakistan Tour Cancelled
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 In a sudden development, the Pakistan Cricket Board has announced that it is formally cancelled the remainder of the cricket series with Indian since it is withdrawing its cricket team from the game.“They will no longer be playing cricket,” explained Rameez Raja, a PCB executive. Instead, he said, the team is being sent off for retraining especially after having lost the one-day series against India and also performing horribly in the first Test match in Multan. The Pakistan players are being sent off to Waziristan and other training camps of the Al Qaeda so that they can “develop the killer instinct,” a PCB source said. Since many of the Pakistan players have already turned into devout Muslims, including captain Inzamam Ul-Haq and spinner Saqlain Mushtaq, the PCB feels that they will be well attuned to the difficulties of living in tents and playing with Kalashnikovs. “They are going to learn ways to practice,” the source said. For instance, bowling spearheads Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammed Sami will be expected to hurl grenades with accuracy so that that can hold them in good stead on the pitch. Those grenades will be lobbed at the leading batsman in the team, like Haq and Yasir Hameed, so that they can develop the correct footwork and agility to ward off the missiles. The rest of the team will also get fielding practice in catching the grenades as they are pitched or batted towards them and then hurling them as far as they can, which will improve their ability to throw in from the deep. However, the entire team will not be participating in this activity. Batsman Yousuf Youhana, who is Christian, and Danish Kaneria, the Hindu leg-spinner, have been sent off to other camps, where they will be employed in various duties, such as cleaning out the militants’ latrines. “Can’t have kafirs polluting our Holy war,” was the explanation given by the principal camp coach and senior Al-Qaeda leader, Ayman Al-Zawahiri, when asked about the dropping of the duo from the team. He also explained that the team will focus now, not on bringing an entire stadium to its feet, but an entire building to its foundations. “Everybody has always said that the Pakistan cricket team has displayed suicidal tendencies in the field. Now, they can actually employ that in real life..or death (hehe),” Zawahiri said in a taped message that is expected to be broadcast on Pakistan main television channel, PTV, in place of the highlights of the team losing the Test match to the Indian cricket team. After training, the camp is expected to send the new squad to tour various places such as Kashmir in India, Israel and the United States. “They will be a truly international team,” Zawahiri said. Meanwhile, the ISI, which is coordinating the training of the team in the new camps, has also taken over the PCB and is expected to chalk out the future schedule for the team. It has also suggested that the team be strengthened and made a true reflection of the quam with the inclusion of some separatist Chechens, Uzbeks, Afghans, Moroccans and Yemenis.
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