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Going Ape Over Kashmir... At The Indo-Pak Summit |
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Okay, okay, I'll get to it (but later since I'm being paid by the word). Jaal's investigations have revealed the identity of the mysterious middleman. It's a personality who has been in the news and virtually captured New Delhi's imagination in the recent past. Yes, yes, it's the Monkey Man. Why the Monkey Man? Because he's the perfect clandestine operative, perfect for deals the regimes would like to keep dark. Because he's here, there and everywhere. The basic blueprint for the negotiations appears to have been decided upon. A copy was obtained by a Jaal reporter, who earns his living as a garbage disposal man, while sifting through the Ministry of External Affairs trash.   The Monkey Man is acceptable to the Indians because it'll keep him out of trouble. Vajpayee especially does not want him running around loose in Uttar Pradesh what with impending Assembly elections there. Rajnath Singh, the UP Chief Minister, would go ape or more ape than he's gone over Kalraj Mishra's nomination to the Rajya Sabha.And, actually, anyone who can strike such panic into the hearts of those who encounter him is perceived as an asset at the table, rather than KC Pant, who spends his time in houseboats and taxis getting a feel for Kashmir. Vajpayee will deploy the Monkey Man to really put the frighteners on Musharraf. As for Musharraf, he's convinced that the Monkey Man is an ISI agent who's been planted to subvert India. After all, didn't the entire capital go nuts over a fortnight because of this marauder? More scared than when ISI operatives stormed the Red Fort? Musharraf is thus sure that the Monkey Man's on his side. Actually, the ISI guys think the Monkey Man is a RAW agent or an agent in the raw, they aren't exactly sure which. The reason is that the Monkey Man deflected attention away from the Tehelka tapes. But they aren't telling poor ol' Perv that just like they didn't tell him what Osama bin Laden's men did to his poodles. But, you can realistically ask, why should the Monkey Man, obviously a busy individual, involved himself in the negotiations? Doesn't he have better things to do? Like clambering on to another rooftop? It's a case of you scratch my enemy, I scratch your back. The Monkey Man's been offered a deal he can't resist. It's really a masterstroke to finally resolve the Kashmir issue. The Monkey Man's going to be let loose on Srinagar to begin with. Just as the terrified populace flees to safer territory, hordes of his cousins from Tughlaqabad and Vrindavan and elsewhere will move in to the State. That's learning monkey business from the Chinese a la Tibet. Once the entire State has been occupied and converted to Simianstan, they'll expand their base to Pak-Occupied Kashmir. Once the LoC has been erased and the entire State united under the Prime Primate, it'll form a buffer between India and Pakistan. Genius that! RECENTLY ON JAAL: Bad Dream Factory Ballot Boxing Borderline Patriotism Bill Clinton's Hidden Agenda The Tapes: Replay The Naked Truth About Sinha's Dream Budget Give Us This Day Our Daily Disaster A Dip Into The Kumbh Hype Hype Hurray The A 2 Z Of Y2K What's Behind Bush? The Florida Ceasefire The Damn Dam Controversy A Weak-Kneed Operation Faster, Higher, Stranger You Have The Right To Be A Volunteer The ICE ICE Baby A Tale Of The Jungle King The Secret Autonomy Report Report When Batsman Became Betsman India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji Al Faridi Gnuman writes fiction and is also a journalist though the difference is difficult to perceive. SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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