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The Old CEO Is Wanted... We Want A New CEO |
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For Internal Circulation Only! WANTED Since the Old CEO is Wanted, Company Wants A New CEO Tamil Cine-Amma Nadu, Inc., a 40-year-old cinema company that specializes in empty philosophies, insincere rhetoric, and emotional melodrama, is looking for a new CEO from its existing staff. The incoming CEO will be expected to work in close association with the outgoing CEO just as a slave would serve his master. This is considered to be a temporary arrangement until the outgoing CEO clears her legal entanglements or serves her three-year jail term (whichever happens sooner). The company staff must be aware that all the cases are wrongly foisted on her, erroneously investigated, mistakenly argued, deceitfully reported, and inaccurately judged. Having been pushed to the corner, the outgoing CEO will really go out but assume a new role, known in the company circles as Remote-Control CEO (RC-CEO). You may recall that it has been a common practice in our business for the RC-CEOs to remote control the actual CEOs just as the venerable Cricket Ball Crackeray did in his own highly profitable and identical-looking concern called Shave Sena, Inc. Our company's headquarters will continue to be the Bogus Garden premises. The principle here is of course, as the ancient Tamil saints often repeated, if Amma cannot go to Arasu (government), Arasu will come to Amma. The incoming CEO will have only a standing room near the main entrance of the Garden as the RC-CEO is already assisted by a full-time Resident CEO (R-CEO). The incoming CEO will be largely a figurehead post who should have no figure and keep his head buried or at hidden all the time.  Qualifications: The candidate should already be part of the company. He should be as unassuming, invisible and evasive as possible. The candidate should not be well educated and should have no command whatsoever on English language. In fact, he shouldn't even speak Tamil. Homely looks, crude background, notorious characteristics, and everything demeaning that will show the RC-CEO under better light could be advantageous. He should be intellectually-challenged, emotionally barren, ethically wrong and morally bankrupt as most people in the company. Under no circumstances should the new CEO use part or the whole of his small bird brain (in the unlikely event of his having one). The CEO should be able to follow directions closely and religiously without asking any questions of any type. He could ask only one "yes or no question" and that is "yes, ma'am?" No is a no, no! If you say no, you will never say no again! Asking "wh-questions" (why, what etc.) would be fatal as it will inevitably invite shoe-beats. The new CEO should be a good salesman selling foisted-cases theories and other assorted products to the gullible people of Tamil Nadu who are known for love, refinement, self-respect, valor and everything else except political intelligence. He should also be a good strategist with friends in all levels of the national courts. Just like the R-CEO, the incoming CEO should hate the media and not speak to the print, audio, visual, electronic and any other medium under any circumstances. Only the RC-CEO will speak to the media if and when she is out of jail. Remunerations: The usual company policy of 10 percent is applicable here. The age-old company practice of government officials and company agents collecting "CEOs" (Cooperative Encouragement Offerings) from our ancient Tamil people will handsomely reward the CEO also. He should be aware of the company motto: "Stacks of Innovation and Lack of Inhibitions Suits the Cases of Super Leaders." Other Details: The female members of the company need not apply for the job as the company cannot afford to have a third woman CEO. Two are too many. Relatively competent men need not apply either as this is not a performance job but a rubber-stamp post. Don't even think of getting smart and outsmarting the RC-CEO and R-CEO. You will be Sedapattized or simply Kumarized. RECENTLY ON JAAL: Code Red And The Blue Book Sucking Up To Musharraf The Tamasha In Tamil Nadu The Agra Assignment Going Ape Over Kashmir Bad Dream Factory Ballot Boxing Borderline Patriotism Bill Clinton's Hidden Agenda The Tapes: Replay The Naked Truth About Sinha's Dream Budget Give Us This Day Our Daily Disaster A Dip Into The Kumbh Hype Hype Hurray The A 2 Z Of Y2K What's Behind Bush? The Florida Ceasefire The Damn Dam Controversy A Weak-Kneed Operation Faster, Higher, Stranger You Have The Right To Be A Volunteer The ICE ICE Baby A Tale Of The Jungle King The Secret Autonomy Report Report When Batsman Became Betsman India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji SP Udayakumar brings out the Communalism Watch and Governance Monitor newsletter. You can visit his organisation at www.saccer.org SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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