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After Saurav Who?
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 Now that India is getting thrashed by the Aussies in the Test series, the real question is who will be the next captain of the team? Saurav Ganguly is obviously going out, but choosing his successor is another task. Here’s our list of potential candidates:Rahul Dravid: The obvious choice. His captaincy is likely to be as exciting as his batting, which is as exciting as sitting and twiddling your thumbs. He’ll employ the cunning strategy of winning games by boring the opposition into slumber. Sachin Tendulkar: Everyone says that if he ever returns as captain, there’s no way his stint will be worse than his record earlier. But, Sachin always proved everyone wrong. He could, of course, employ the cunning strategy of being injured throughout his tenure as captain! Jagmohan Dalmiya: He controls cricket in India anyway, so why not put him on the field? Some may quibble that he has absolutely no playing credentials, but since when has that gone against becoming captain of India? Anyway, since our captains contribute little or nothing on the field, Dalmiya probably won’t make much of a difference. Aamir Khan: He did win in Lagaan. And even if you complain that was in the movies, isn’t cricket just so much entertainment nowadays? And it’ll also save the advertisers money, since they’ll be able to feature a film star and cricketer rolled into one. And since advertisers run the game in the country, why not suck up to them…some more? Steve Waugh: He’s been spending so much time in India, he could easily be granted honorary citizenship so that he could take over the Indian team. Believe us, he’ll be way better than any homegrown contender. Commentators: Since cricket commentators seem to know so much more about what to do next on the field, why not just give them the job? And since there are so many of them, we can farm out the captaincy to all of them. We could then have ball-by-ball captains. Zee TV: Since it didn’t get the television contract, this can be a form of compensation. A Zee executive, prominently wearing the company’s logo can take over as captain. Not only will this make Zee happy, rivals channels will be happier, since Zee will be associated with every Indian loss, which is almost every game India plays. Atal Behari Vajpayee: He’s thoroughly unemployed, except while complaining about Manmohan Singh, Give him the job, since he’s the one who went in for cricket diplomacy. Get Pervez Musharraf to take over the Pakistan team, and that’ll solve more than one problem. Not only will the captaincy issue be resolved, as least their countries will be well rid of them in the political domain. Sonia Gandhi: Has shown how she can run the show while pretending not to. She’ll gracefully decline the captaincy, and thereafter can run the team as its non-playing skipper. Everyone: Since every Indian is an expert, armchair or otherwise, on the game, allow each of them to be captain for a day or a session, whatever. You could say that with more than one billion Indians, accommodating all of them will be tough. But, with the number of India plays now, we’ll all get our chance soon enough.
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