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The War On Terror... The US Strikes Out |
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What they say: We have struck at a vital installation. What they mean: We managed to flatten a public toilet near Kandahar. But, knowing just what state Osama bin Laden's kidneys are in, we consider it a vital installation. Now we think we have a chance of catching him with his pants down. What they say: We have destroyed significant armoury of the Taliban militia. What they mean: We think we managed to hit a camel. We're not exactly sure there are camels in Afghanistan, but our President seems to think there are. Anyway, that's also what our intelligence agencies are telling us. Of course, after September 11 that does sound like an oxymoron. What they say: We believe that the terrorists may be collecting biological weaponry. What they mean: Since we're engaged in destroying all their toilets anyways, is it any surprise they're all fleeing to Pakistan. As for the rest of Afghanistan, the stench is obviously their attempt to launch a bio-war.  What they say: We're looking at specific targets.What they mean: We have to really careful this time around. We don't want to return after bombing a couple of tents. Also, we have to be certain that there isn't a Chinese Embassy located anywhere in Afghanistan because for some strange reason, our smart missiles always seek and destroy these buildings regardless of what we target. What they say: The British forces joined us in undertaking the strikes. What they mean: Like they had a choice. The United Kingdom is more or less another State of the United States now and Tony Blair our official messenger boy. What they say: We are fighting for democracy. What they mean: That, of course, means propping up every autocrat we can find in the region till he turns around and turns into another Saddam Hussein or Osama bin Laden. Well, our diplomatic strategy seems to based on supporting repressive regimes anyway. What they say: We are receiving utmost cooperation from the Pakistan Government. What they mean: General Perv has easily been bought over for a few billion dollars. Also, we'll just turn a blind eye to Kashmir and the terrorist camps in Pakistan because these guys didn't bomb us and are, therefore, not terrorists. What they say: We want Osama bin Laden dead or alive. What they mean: But first we have to find him. What they say: We are fairly certain of Osama bin Laden's current location. What they mean: Yeah, we've narrowed it down to Asia, Africa or Europe and we're working at it one continent at a time. Give us a couple of decades and we may even know which country he is in. RECENTLY ON JAAL: Bush Talks Tough TN Wants A New CEO Code Red And The Blue Book Sucking Up To Musharraf The Tamasha In Tamil Nadu The Agra Assignment Going Ape Over Kashmir Bad Dream Factory Ballot Boxing Borderline Patriotism Bill Clinton's Hidden Agenda The Tapes: Replay The Naked Truth About Sinha's Dream Budget Give Us This Day Our Daily Disaster A Dip Into The Kumbh Hype Hype Hurray The A 2 Z Of Y2K What's Behind Bush? The Florida Ceasefire The Damn Dam Controversy A Weak-Kneed Operation Faster, Higher, Stranger You Have The Right To Be A Volunteer The ICE ICE Baby A Tale Of The Jungle King The Secret Autonomy Report Report When Batsman Became Betsman India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji AF Gnuman analyses international issues and non-issues SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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