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Osama, Osama, Osama... Omni-Laden |
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The Ops room was in a turmoil….Some one shouted have you got him on line and the reply shout was yeah. Then there was a hush and the loudspeaker let itself go…."I am Osama and I am now in one of the caves near Kabul itself and it will take you idiots to catch me another thousand years…" An expert was quick to identify the voice as that of Osama. Meanwhile, another commotion in another corner was in the making. Listen everybody I have Osama on line from Islamabad, shouted the Pak deskman. Again silence descended….."I am Osama and I am speaking from the telephone of the chief executive officer of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan and the general is sitting right in front of me and of course I have gagged him…. Now listen, if you morons want this general back call off the useless Rabbani and his rabble from the holy land of Kabul forthwith. I am giving you full forty minutes to do this and report back to me and I am keeping this line open…." The Russian desk chap was perplexed. He said, "I am now tracking a conversation between Putin and Osama and just listen to this (and he increases the volume of the gadget and you could hear) …"Who is it and I am chief officer of Putin here….(second voice) Well don't you know I am Osama…". The chief officer laughs and says, "Well well you are already speaking to Putin…" The other voice says, "No no I am Osama the seventh…and I demand to talk to Putin…". Then the chief officer says, "In that case you better talk to Putin the second…."  The Indian desk was equally busy. The man in charge said, "I do not know what to make out of this and just listen to this…..". One voice speaks and one can identify it as the deep drawl of the Indian foreign minister Jaswant Singh and he says, "I want to talk immediately to my friend Colin Powell and I have Osama on the other line……." Another New Delhi line has the Shahi Imam of Delhi shouting, "I have Osama with me and I shall not allow him to be taken to Washington or even The Hague and I shall definitely present him before my favourite audience coming Friday…."The Indian desk chap was further bewildered when he monitored another line which said, inter alia, "I am sandalwood Veerappan and I have Osama supping with me right now in the jungle in southern India and I now realise what my brother Osama had to undergo with the Yankees just like me at the hands of the police and the forest officers all these years……'' The Pentagon chief was muttering to himself (and of course this could not escape the eyes and the ears of the planted gadget)…"I shall dump all this raw intelligence at the lap of the occupant of Air Force One and go home at the end of this blasted shift…'' Nurat Paltej sneaked into the White House too and what did he find there? The Chief Executive was holding his head in his hands and was heard muttering.."Perhaps I should have conceded to Al Gore…" RECENTLY ON JAAL: The New ISI Chief Is A Pathan!! Osama And Veerappan The US Strikes Out Bush Talks Tough TN Wants A New CEO Code Red And The Blue Book Sucking Up To Musharraf The Tamasha In Tamil Nadu The Agra Assignment Going Ape Over Kashmir Bad Dream Factory Ballot Boxing Borderline Patriotism Bill Clinton's Hidden Agenda The Tapes: Replay The Naked Truth About Sinha's Dream Budget Give Us This Day Our Daily Disaster A Dip Into The Kumbh Hype Hype Hurray The A 2 Z Of Y2K What's Behind Bush? The Florida Ceasefire The Damn Dam Controversy A Weak-Kneed Operation Faster, Higher, Stranger You Have The Right To Be A Volunteer The ICE ICE Baby A Tale Of The Jungle King The Secret Autonomy Report Report When Batsman Became Betsman India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji Al Faridi Gnuman is our cud-chewing correspondent SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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